KATHY PARKER: AN INSPIRING AUTHOR’S JOURNEY FROM PAIN TO HEALING

© Kathy Parker / Facebook

Kathy Parker, a writer from a small seaside village in rural South Australia, has a remarkable gift for touching hearts through her words. Known for her deeply personal poems and texts, she explores themes of healing, self-discovery, and the complexities of human relationships. In this exclusive interview, Kathy shares an intimate look into her journey as a writer, her sources of inspiration, and the challenges she faces in bringing her words to life. Enjoy!

@abylovesblogging: First of all, thank you for confirming my interview request. I am very glad.
Before we start, please introduce yourself to my followers…

KP: Hi, and thanks for having me here My name is Kathy Parker and I am a writer from a little seaside village in rural South Australia. I am a lover of beautiful words, the ocean, mountains, rivers, camping, hiking – actually, pretty much anything to do with being outdoors in nature! I drink cheap red wine so I can afford expensive gin, am a trumpet player by trade but these days spend more time with the guitar, am a total empath, wannabe yogi, paleo chick who loves to grow her own veggies, and I have dreams to one day travel my beautiful country with nothing but a van, guitar and surfboard. And all of that sounds weirdly like a dating profile!! Ha!! It is not, I promise!!

@abylovesblogging: Kathy, the reason I have chosen you to be my interview partner is because you inspire me through your poems and texts. Tell us more about your job as a writer …

KP: Firstly, the fact that you are inspired through my writing is the exact reason I write. I don not write because I have dreams of being rich and famous, I write because the passion of my heart is to bring connection, understanding, healing and hope to women all around the world. To make them feel less alone. To empower women to know their worth, and go forth and change the world. It sounds glamorous. The reality is, it is not. It is hard work, lonely work. It is forcing myself to uncover the places in my own heart I would rather keep buried. It can be brutal at times, unforgiving. It’s many hours of solitude, of being alone with nothing but my own mind. It can make me impossible to live with when I’m in the throes of the creative process. I mostly never get paid, and nobody will ever see the hours of work that go into each piece I write. However, I wouldn’t change a thing. This is my passion, the desire of my heart, the thing that matters most to me. Even on the worst days, there is still nothing else in this world I would rather be doing.
The beauty of writing for me is the ability to work around my family and the demands of life that come with that. I don not necessarily have set writing hours, it’s something I fit in as best I can – some weeks that can look like days where there are no other priorities and I can write during normal working hours, other weeks it can look like cramming time into 5am starts or late nights when everyone else is asleep. Lifestyle matters to me and I would always rather write less and have time with my family, time for walks on the beach and morning surfs and yoga and to enjoy a cup of tea in the afternoon sunshine with a book and be available for my family when they need me, and I’m extremely thankful to be able to do what I love around the simplicity of the lifestyle I love.

@abylovesblogging: When did you start writing and what was the reason for that ?

KP: I have always been a writer, and have written on and off since high school, but it took me decades to give myself permission to own it and to find the courage to step into it. However, I officially started writing in 2015 when I began my own blog, This Girl Unraveled. I had just been through some extremely difficult years of my life that culminated in emotional breakdown and physical breakdown as I suffered through ME/CFS. It was about the time I was diagnosed with Complex PTSD, and was forced to deal with a traumatic past I had been covering up with many layers of perfectionism. Those layers soon began to unravel, hence the name of my blog, and as I began to work through my pain and journey toward healing, I began to write as a way of processing all I was thinking and feeling in the hope my words would bring healing to other women who were going through similar issues.

@abylovesblogging: Most of your texts are about breakups, why did you chose to write about this issue ?

KP: More of my recent texts centre around this theme but I tend to write about anything and everything to do with relationships as I feel they are core to the human condition. What I write about at any given time is often what I am thinking about – either from my own experience or from books I am reading or conversations I have with people which trigger themes in me that I ponder and explore more in my writing. Also, much of what I write is with the intention of facing pain square in the eye, and breakups are certainly one universal pain we have all suffered through at one time or another in our lives.

@abylovesblogging: Where do you get your inspiration from ?

KP: Much of my inspiration comes from experience, as I believe the best writing comes from the deepest places within us, and so I try not to shy away from the things that are hard to write about as I believe they will be the things that impact the hearts of others the most. However, author Dani Shapiro talks about having the ability to put ourselves in the shoes of others – and so being an empathetic person allows me to listen to the hearts of other people and put their pain into words that bring justice to how they feel, so much of what I write comes from the hearts of others who share their pain with me. But I also find inspiration in beautiful poetry, books that rip my heart wide open, and I’m a quote fanatic and spend far too many hours scrolling Insta and Tumblr and taking screen shots of quotes to go back and read again and again – my phone is full of them!! But I’m definitely most inspired to write when alone in nature – the more wild and rugged, the better, it definitely brings out the best creativity in me.

@abylovesblogging: Some of your texts have been published on “The Elephant Journal”, that means a lot of people are reading your poems, what exactly does it mean to ?

KP: Elephant Journal has been a wonderful platform for my writing, and I have been honoured to have been featured there, and thankful for the love and support shown from readers all over the world. However, I have chosen to step away from there for the time being, and from other platforms I have been writing from, as I feel at this point in my career it’s more important for me to be building my own readership, and not the readership of other journals.

@abylovesblogging: Which issues would you like to write about in the near future? And why ?

KP: There a lot of issues I currently write of that I would like to delve a little deeper into that I have been too scared to push the boundaries of up until now. I spent many years without a voice, and now that I have found it, in many ways I am still learning to use it, and to understand the power of it. I don not believe in using a shock factor when writing, but I do believe if my writing makes people uncomfortable at times that is not necessarily a bad thing. In saying that, one area of my life I have not written much about has been my faith, and my journey from being religious to becoming spiritual, and what that has meant for me – the ways religion can damage an already damaged person and be counter-productive to their journey to healing and freedom. This is something I would like to explore more.

@abylovesblogging: What are your wishes for your future? What do you want to achieve ?

KP: The thing I have loved most about my journey as a writer so far is that it has been an entirely organic process. I have never really known where it was going to take me, I started to write because the words began to mean everything and I could no longer not write, so there was never any goals or targets or achievements aimed for as such, just a desire to write. I have loved my journey and the unknowns and the surprises. To be where I am today still amazes me, but mostly, I am amazed and inspired by how my words reach the hearts of people all over the world, and as long as this remains the core of my achievements, then that’s all that really matters to me. I do have a couple of projects I am working on at the moment however, and I hope to see these come to fruition in the next 12 months – both a published collection of my poetry/prose and also to finish writing my first full-length novel and see that to publication also. But really, I just hope to keep doing what I am doing because writing is where my joy and passion come from. It’s like the quote by Howard Thurman – “Don’t ask what the world needs. Ask what makes you come alive, and go do it. Because what the world needs is people who have come alive.” Regardless of outcome or achievement, I am just happiest and contributing best to the world when I am writing.

@abylovesblogging: Could you imagine to write a book, if yes, which topic would it be about?

KP: Yes! As I said earlier, I am currently in the process of writing my first book – a literary fiction novel that addresses the themes of childhood abuse and trauma, domestic violence, relational wounds, generational cycles, and how we overcome, heal and find the way back to our own hearts. It is a difficult book to write, and while not a memoir, much of it comes from a deep place of my own pain which makes the process slow and careful – it is not the kind of book you can smash out in a few months, but one which I believe will be worth every amount of bloodshed it will have taken to get the words on the page.

@abylovesblogging: Do you pay attention to rhythm or epic to make the importance more “visible”?

KP: I am quite new to writing poetry, and when I first began to write poems I did not pay a lot of attention to the structure of how I wrote, just placed words on lines and hoped for the best! Since then I have studied hundreds of poems, traditional and contemporary, and now pay more attention to the structure of what I write. I am probably most drawn to alignment, I have this thing where I like to see the sentences line up evenly, probably a throw back from my perfectionist days. I never rhyme in my poems, not because I don not like poems that rhyme but because it takes me back to many, many lame poetry efforts in my high school days that make me shudder at how bad they were. I don not always write in verses but when I do it matters to me that each verse has the same structure, same amount of lines and equal rhythm. I still love what Picasso says though, “Learn the rules like a pro so you can break them like an artist” and some of my favourite poems are still my earliest ones where rules didn’t exist for me.

@abylovesblogging: Do you have favorite poets and writers ? If yes, who are they ?

KP: So many! Most of my favourite authors are Australian women who are excelling in the area of Literary Fiction. My favourite poets are a little more widespread however, and most fall in the category of Modern or Contemporary – ummmm, just to think of a few favourites from the top of my head – Clementine Von Radics, RM Drake, Rupi Kaur, Lang Leav, Alfa, Atticus, Nausicaa Twila, Sarah Jean Bowers, Cindy Cherie, Beau Taplin, Nicole Lyons, Stephanie Bennett-Henry, Zachry K Douglas, Michael Xavier, Becca Lee, Nikita Gill, JM Storm, J Raymond… there are so many amazing writers out there!

@abylovesblogging: Unfortunately, our interview is almost over, but here is last question: where can my followers find you ?

KP: This Girl Unraveled: www.kathyparker.com.au
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/kathyparkerwriter/
Twitter/X: @kathyparker2206
Insta: @kathyparkerwriter
Tumblr: kathyparkerwriter.tumblr.com
You can also find articles I have written at Elephant Journal, Huffpost Australia, The Mighty, The Minds Journal, Thought Catalog, and Lessons Learned In Life Inc

Note: This interview was originally conducted on July 18, 2017, and is being republished with the permission of Kathy Parker.

BREAKING BARRIERS, OPENING DOORS: A CONVERSATION WITH FLORENCE BROKOWSKI-SHEKETE

Florence Brokowski-Shekete by © Tanja Valérien

What does it mean to be the first? To walk into rooms where no one looks like you, to lead where others only followed, and to speak truths that are too often silenced? Florence Brokowski-Shekete has done just that — and more. As the first Black female school superintendent in Germany, Florence’s journey is not just about personal success; it’s about challenging systems, embracing identity, and refusing to let injustice go unspoken. In this candid and moving interview, Florence opens up about her childhood between cultures, the quiet strength of motherhood, and the battles she’s fought — and still fights — in a society that too often turns a blind eye to its own biases. From painful discrimination to empowering leadership, she shares stories that are as raw as they are inspiring. Curious what drives a woman who says she wants to be “the Oprah Winfrey of Germany”? Keep reading — this is not a story you want to miss.

@abylovesblogging: Please briefly introduce yourself – what do you do, what are your interests?

Florence: First of all, thank you for meeting with me today. My name is Florence Brokowski-Shekete, and I’m an educator by profession. I studied to become a teacher, worked as a teacher and principal, and today I serve as a school supervision director in a public school office. My parents came from Nigeria to Germany in the mid-1960s. I was born in Hamburg and grew up with a white German foster family. When my parents returned to Nigeria, I was nine years old – and I had to go with them. That was a huge change for me, as I didn’t feel comfortable in Nigeria because I missed my mom terribly and didn’t have a close bond with my biological parents, since I hadn’t grown up with them. Luckily, after three and a half years, I was able to return to Germany and live with my mom again. I grew up in Buxtehude in northern Germany. But even then, I noticed that due to my Nigerian passport, many things were denied to me, and I constantly faced resistance and problems. Later, my mom adopted me as an adult, which allowed me to get a German passport and study to become a teacher. I followed my professional path, which wasn’t always easy and had its rough patches. I wasn’t walking around thinking that life was hard because I’m Black – not at all. But whether you want to or not, there are moments when you realize you’re facing resistance. Of course, people always asked where I came from and what my background was. When I shared my story, they often told me I should write a book – and that’s how it came about that I published my autobiography in 2020, followed by the book “Raus aus den Schubladen! – Meine Gespräche mit Schwarzen Deutschen” in 2022, and in 2024, the first season of my podcast was released as a book. The idea for the podcast came to me in 2022 – I wanted to talk about everyday racist situations. I brought in a white person for the dialogue because I thought it would make a good dynamic – which worked well for six seasons.

@abylovesblogging: What exactly was the problem in Nigeria? Can you give me some examples?

Florence: Yes. In Nigeria, I was considered “the white one.” Because I had been raised in a completely different culture, I was brought up white. The kids there called me that too – in Nigeria, there’s a term, “Oibo Pepe,” which is used for white people, and that’s what they called me. But I don’t know if that was the main reason. The main reason was that I missed my mom. If I had gone somewhere and she had come with me, it wouldn’t have been a problem at all. I love traveling and being abroad. I’m very curious and enjoy exploring other cultures. But in Nigeria, I was a child missing her mom, and that’s why I didn’t feel comfortable there. My biological parents were strangers to me. They didn’t have the kind of love for children that I knew.

@abylovesblogging: Do you think there’s a cultural aspect involved?

Florence: Definitely. I do think there’s a cultural aspect. When I compare it: my white mom was born in 1924, and my parents were 20 years younger than her. You could say, if it were about generational differences, my mom would have been the one who was a bit colder and less loving. But I think it has something to do with culture. I’ve heard the same from others – that, compared to Germany or to what we generally know, the way parents express love there can feel cold. I always said, once a child can walk, it can work – that’s the feeling I had in Nigeria. If you can’t walk yet, you get carried on the back, and that’s okay, but once you can walk, you’re expected to be useful. I really missed warmth – maybe it was something specific to my mother.

@abylovesblogging: How did you manage to walk this path despite these experiences? What helped you?

Florence: I came to my mom when I was two, after being in various foster homes. I’d say, luckily, my biological parents had very little influence on my upbringing. Because I came to my mom so young and was showered with love – I really had everything a small child needs. My mom didn’t have much money, and my parents eventually stopped giving her any to support me. She took it all upon herself. And with the little money she had, she tried everything to give me a nice childhood. […] My first Christmas – I had come to her in February – she made a dollhouse out of a shoebox: an apartment with two little dolls. She didn’t even know if I would play with it or not. […] She did it with so much love – and that was my life’s luck. Those seven years gave me so much love for life that the three years I spent in Nigeria had barely any impact on me. [….] Compared to my sister, I got off lightly. But my parents had a different method, especially my mother. When they thought I needed to be punished, they’d say I wasn’t allowed to write to Germany anymore and wouldn’t get my letters. A teacher who supported me helped me return to Germany. Those 3½ years definitely didn’t leave me completely unscathed. For the first two years afterward, I needed a lot of time to develop basic trust in people. But I always say, everyone carries their own little burden – and those seven years with my mom gave me a healthy self-image. So, I didn’t miss the love of my biological parents, because I had a mom who loved me […].

@abylovesblogging: How did this experience shape you as a mother?

Florence: Not in a negative way at all, really not. My mom showed me what it’s like to be loved as a child. And I realized very early on (and that might sound really stupid now, but I don’t know why I wanted that as a child), but whenever we went to the zoo (let’s skip the discussion about whether zoos are good or not, but back then it was still a thing. In Hamburg there’s a zoo/animal park and in the ape house there were always the little baby chimpanzees, and they were always diapered like children and so on). And for some reason, as a child I always said that I wanted a little monkey. Maybe because they looked so small and cute. And then I was showered with stuffed monkeys and always cried because I wanted a real little monkey. I think I just wanted something I could love and give love to. When I had my son and I heard in the maternity class that you have to get used to the child once it’s there – and I thought: What nonsense! I already loved my child… I loved this little being before he was even born. So thank God those 3½ years with my parents had no influence on how I treated my baby. I’d say those 3½ years in Nigeria, regardless of my parents, made me a multicultural person. That wasn’t so bad, because otherwise I wouldn’t have any connection to my skin color and my Blackness, so from that perspective it was good. I really realized what it’s like to live in Nigeria as a Black person and be seen as white. […].

Florence Brokowski-Shekete by © Tanja Valérien

@abylovesblogging: What challenges do you see in the future in Germany regarding racism, and how can they be overcome?

Florence: The future is a good question. I do see that there are many people in our society who are open and say they don’t know much about everyday racism but want to learn and be open and do better. They are aware that there are everyday racist and discriminatory situations. People who consciously say that everyone has the same human rights, and we want to do things differently. You can also see that now: People are going out and demonstrating for democracy.
But I also see the people – and I see them in my work environment (though that’s probably a coincidence, because my work environment also reflects society… so I think it’s a societal phenomenon) – who say they’re fed up with the whole diversity debate. People who, like the Tradwives, are regressing and becoming conservative again – I get the impression there are people who are completely conservative. They don’t even want to touch the topic of diversity. I work in an environment where the topic „diversity“has not deeply thought of. There are still people who can‘t connect to this topic.
I had predicted earlier that we need diversity management. At first, I thought “then I’ll just leave it”, but then I thought “No”. I was specifically appointed by the Minister of Education in Baden-Württemberg to the state school advisory board for this topic, and then I can’t just say in my work environment: “Oh, never mind, it’s not that bad.”

If the leadership of a company, institution, or organization doesn’t address such topics, and no one says “Wait a minute,” then it gets lost. And if the leadership rolls their eyes at the topic, then the people affected feel excluded – and that just can’t happen in 2025 anymore.
I’m no longer willing to just accept it. That’s what I observe here and there, but I believe we people who care about this – and that’s not just Black people, but people who are gay, have a different gender identity, etc. – we have to speak out. That doesn’t mean I know all aspects of diversity… maybe I know them on a meta level. I don’t have to like everything, but that’s not the point. The point isn’t to say: “Oh, having a migration background is okay, but if someone is gay, their feelings aren’t valid.” That’s not it. Human rights mean that everyone must be accepted in their individuality, whether I like it or not. That’s the kind of topic where I feel we’re not yet at a point where acceptance is strong.

@abylovesblogging: How can you deal with this fear? Do you have any tips?

Florence: That’s a tough question, because kids and teenagers spend so much time on the internet and on social media. They’re exposed to so many images, “realities”, and truths, that I’m sometimes not surprised if they struggle to deal with it. I’d say home should always be the source where I can express my fears, worries, and concerns. Home or with loved ones, and of course school should also be a place – but first and foremost, home.
For example, when the war in Ukraine started, it turned out that many Black students (which I didn’t even know before) were unable to leave Ukraine. I didn’t know there were so many Black students there. The fact that they couldn’t get out properly – that’s something deeply shocking. There were probably teens who saw that and thought, “What if I had been there – would I have been just as powerless?” So it’s good to talk with parents and look at how situations were resolved. In some areas, return tickets were even given away – I meet people from that party and weirdly enough, they’re sometimes super friendly to me. I have no idea why.
One time, I was in a meeting and afterward, one of them passed by me and wished me a nice day – like it was super important to him. And I just thought, “Huh? What do you want from me?” I just thought, it’s already enough that I have to breathe the same air as this person. But that’s how they try to instil fear. The more you engage with it, the more it affects you.

@abylovesblogging: Are there moments that especially shaped you? If so, which ones?

Florence: For example, when I did my second state examination, I felt discriminated against by the examination board and the head of the seminar. The way she spoke to me… she handed me my certificate and said, “Your competence is worth that of a cleaning lady.” Then the person who supervised my seminar paper, the one I followed for guidance, was later criticized – and it affected my grade. I confronted him, but he wouldn’t even look at me. It was all very unfair. I always had to deliver more than everyone else. I spent two years at a primary school and that was good – no problems with the kids or parents. Then I was self-employed for six years, which was also lovely. Then I went back to teaching at a schoolwhere I had the strange feeling that the male principal doubted my qualifications. But of course, and again I proofed him wrong.
I think he had issues with his masculinity. And I’m someone who doesn’t fawn over men like that – I’m professional and do my thing.So when he saw that I was capable, the dynamic changed. Suddenly I was “the teacher”, and when I became a principal, he proudly visited me at the school with flowers like “my teacher is now the principal”. But I had to first prove myself and show that I wouldn’t be treated like that.Then someone at that school cut up my jacket – everyone initially said it must have been kids. But I knew immediately it was a colleague. Years later, another colleague said: “You know, we all knew it wasn’t kids, and we also knew who it was, but we were too scared to say anything.”
And in such situations, no one helps. I wrote about it in my book too – the police were involved. One officer told me not to make such a fuss, it was just a jacket. It was all very degrading. My former boss, who hadn’t even read the book, heard that someone told her she’s portrayed as a racist in it and messaged me on Facebook. But I actually portrayed her as someone who supported me in advancing my career. So I replied: 1. She hasn’t read the book. 2. If that’s her only concern, then I’m sorry I phrased it so gently – next time I’ll give different interviews and be more direct. I mean, she asked for it! If she wants it, she can have it. Since then, I’ve blocked her and cut off contact.Those are the situations where I think – it’s not enough that I’ve been harmed, but I’m also expected to protect the perpetrators’ reputation. Then I applied to be a school principal, and there were plenty of people trying to block me. But there was one woman, the then-head of the school authority, and she said she wanted me as a principal and gave me full support. And the guys – mainly men – who tried to block me, had to work with me when I became a school inspector. One of them had to work with me – that really annoyed him. Eventually I had to put him in his place, because he thought he could cross my boundaries. And there’s still one guy who has to work with me to this day. Totally awful, but I think I show him how it’s done. These are the people who think I didn’t know they were against me.

@abylovesblogging: Do you think all of this happened to you because you’re a woman and a PoC?

Florence: Absolutely yes. Last year I faced a situation which clearly showed that my skin colour mattered. If this situation had involved a tall, white, blond, blue-eyed man, people would have also disagreed with the decision, they wouldn’t have dared to play the same games they played with me. I hold that very much against people – and I was  asked: “You’re not resentful, are you?” – Yes, I am. I can handle it professionally, because I believe you always meet twice in life […] I think it happened because I’m a woman and a PoC – that’s where intersectionality comes in.

@abylovesblogging: How do you experience this? Do you notice an “elbow mentality” among Black women in the community?

Florence: […] I remember this from my university days. At the university I attended, there was a Black woman with a white parent who ignored me, like I didn’t exist. Only when I had braids did she suddenly approach me and talk about how great the braids looked and where I got them done. I hear from time to time that there is something like jealousy in the Black community. Like I said, I don’t feel it personally. On social media, sometimes Black people write to me asking why I talk to white people and that I’m too white. But I just ignore that.
If people have a problem with it, then they can unfollow me. But because of things like that, I try to live slightly different. My son also wants me to help other BiPocs.
I get a lot of requests from young Black women, like your request (she meant mine), and when I tell my son about it, he says, “You’re going to do that, right?” or “That’s so nice that you’re doing that.” For me, that’s a given. […] David Bowie’s wife once said in an interview something like: I opened a lot of doors, and I always make sure that the door stays open for the people who come after me. I really like that. […] That’s why I love supporting young Black women/men.

@abylovesblogging: If you had 3 wishes, what would they be?

  • My first wish would be that my son and I stay healthy and that nothing happens to us – especially him. That nothing happens to him and that he’s happy and content. That’s the most important thing to me. That we can grow old together in the sense that he has a mom who ages but stays healthy.
  • That society becomes more content again and that politics develops a good instinct to help people feel safe. Because right now, I feel that politicians lack the right instinct to ensure that people living in this country respect it. It shouldn’t be that we constantly experience situations like we have recently. That has nothing to do with whether someone has a migration background or not. If you live in this country, I expect you to have respect for it. It’s like in a family or a class: I can have a certain loving strictness, which means I show the children I like and respect them, but there’s a boundary – and if someone crosses it, there are consequences.
    That’s what I wish, because if it doesn’t happen, we might face political consequences tomorrow […].
  • My third wish – which I’ve had for a long time – is to have my own talk show. I have my talk format “SCHWARZWÄLDER & BUTTERKUCHEN” because I love it – I love talking. […]
    That would still be a wish: I want to become the Oprah Winfrey of Germany. We have some well known hosts and I really like them.. I was on the NDR talk show twice, and I really love all of them.. I’d love to be the Oprah Winfrey of Germany, because I think I’d be good at it. My talks are also on YouTube – they’re not sensationalistic, but solid. I think the German TV program could really use a solid talk show again.

Visit Florence’s website: https://fbs-icc.com/ueber-mich/

Find Florence on LinkedIn: Florence Brokowski-Shekete

MINUSCH AFONSO: FIGHTER, WARRIOR, BREAST CANCER SURVIVOR

Minusch Afonso by © Max Sonnenschein

Imagine you want to spend a nice day by the lake with a friend, enjoying some quality time, and this day later turns out to be fateful. This is what happened to Minusch Afonso in 2021. Minusch Afonso is a journalist, moderator, and host in Bavaria and originally from Angola. I meet Minusch Afonso in April at my apartment in Munich to talk about that fateful day in her life. Even before the interview, I knew this conversation would be special. Not only because of the topic, but because Minusch is one of those people you find immediately likable. Here is the story of a breast cancer survivor, which aims to provide insight into what many cancer patients go through and inspire people not to give up. Thank you Minusch for your time, courage and openness!

1. Tell me about this fateful day? What kind of day was it?

Minusch: I had some discomfort in my lower abdomen that day, so I went to see a gynecologist. I was examined, prescribed medication, and everything seemed fine. I then went to the Isar River with my friend for some food and later went home. At home, I ordered some food, and when the delivery guy arrived, I opened the door. For no apparent reason, I pointed my index finger towards my breast and touched it. Just like that. It made no sense. The spot was not itchy or anything, but I just touched that spot. And then I felt a small lump and thought, “Huh, what is that?” I googled it, and usually, Google brings up really scary things, but in this case, it did not.Then, I watched a video on YouTube about how to properly examine breasts and recognize signs of breast cancer. None of the symptoms described in the video matched what I was experiencing. Sometimes, it mentioned discharge from the nipple or skin that looks like an orange peel, but I did not have any of that. So, I thought, okay, maybe it is nothing. On the other hand, I was wondering if I should go to the gynecologist again the next day, considering I had already been there. Then, I remembered I had a doctor’s appointment in Saarbrücken in two weeks and decided to bring it up then.

@abylovesblogging: Minusch went to her see her doctor and told her about her concerns and the lump she had discovered.

Minusch: I attended the appointment in Saarbrücken and told the doctor that I had felt something in my breast. She assured me it was probably nothing serious but examined the area. Having worked in a breast cancer center for many years, she was quite confident it was not anything to worry about. However, to put my mind at ease, she decided to investigate further. I had another appointment where they numbed my breast and used a long instrument to take samples from the tumor. Afterwards, I was allowed to go home. I felt conflicted and another week passed before I was supposed to call for the results.

@abylovesblogging: As if the situation was not difficult enough, Minusch had to wait for the test results. In the interview, she told me that the waiting was the worst part for her. The next day, her life changed from one day to the next.

Minusch: So, I called the next day, and they told me the result was in, and the doctor would call me later – that is when I knew something was wrong. I waited for 1.5 hours for her to call back. Those 1.5 hours were terrible because I had no idea what was going on. When the doctor called, she told me that, unfortunately, it was not as she initially thought and that the diagnosis was malignant. At that moment, everything stopped for me – I was in shock, genuinely shocked. I thought I was going to die. That was my first thought because there had never been any cancer cases in my family. Not even in my circle of friends. The only things I knew about cancer were from TV.

2. What did you do when you realised you had breast cancer?

Minusch: I called my mom and talked to friends who tried to calm me down. My mom drove from Freiburg to be with me. I really appreciated how calm she was because she usually is not that calm. Her calmness helped me stay calm, and we got through that time together. That evening, my mom and I prayed. Eventually, I went to see my gynecologist with her, and the journey felt like it took forever. In the clinic, we had to wait about 45 minutes, and the assistants looked at me with such pity because I kept going to the bathroom due to my nerves. Finally, a doctor came and said that the gynecologist had asked him to talk to me. [Minusch never saw this gynecologist again, despite repeatedly trying to reach her.] The doctor only asked me what questions I had for him.

I had the feeling as if my soul is leaving my body.

Minusch Afonso

@abylovesblogging: Once it was certain that Minusch had breast cancer, they went to the doctor and underwent examinations. She was referred to the breast centre and had to undergo various examinations such as ultrasounds, blood tests and mammograms.

3. What could have gone better on the way to your chemotherapy?

Minusch: Communication during this phase was not always clear. The thing which was so unfortunate about the doctors was that they never spoke plainly. I did not just have to deal with one doctor but with different ones and each of them said different things. That was a bit difficult.

@abylovesblogging: Although the doctors almost always assured Minusch that she did not need chemotherapy, after the surgery, it was recommended by various experts that she undergo chemotherapy.

Minusch: I took all my documents to this doctor and asked him for help. He took his time—two hours, to be exact. He explained everything to me, step by step. He also told me that I had a good chance of recovery because the tumor had not spread to the lymph nodes. Given that I got cancer at such a young age, he advised me to have a genetic test to understand the origin of the cancer. Additionally, he explained the step of mastectomy and recommended that I undergo chemotherapy anyway because I am so young. I could write to this doctor on WhatsApp if I had any questions, and that is still the case. Even though it took some time for me to trust him, I must say he did a good job.

@abylovesblogging: With her thoughts focussed on the forthcoming chemotherapy, Minusch was unfortunately given more bad news…

Minusch: One day before the chemo, I received the news that I do suffer from a rare genetic defect. My first chemo started on December 20, 2021. Normally, the chemo should last about four months, but since I did not tolerate the chemo well (poor blood values, feeling of fullness, fatigue, nausea, fatigue, and vomiting), it ended up being eight months.

I did not expect that at all

Minusch Afonso
Minusch Afonso by ©  Vera Johannsen

4. Who were you able to count on in particular during this time?

Minusch: My family was there for me and helped me as much as they could. My friends too, of course. Some of them called me via Facetime, spoke to me on the phone and tried to build me up. That was really nice to see.

5. Were you also able to draw positive things from your illness?

Minusch: Yes, very many… I had a lot of time to reflect on myself. I would say that I used to be a people pleaser and was always concerned about how others were feeling. But the illness showed me that there is only one Minusch, and there is no second, so I need to take care of myself. That is why I also learned to set boundaries, say no, and stand up for myself. If I notice something is not good for me, I now take immediate action. I was not like that before. I used to beat around the bush, procrastinate, and make excuses for people. I do not do that anymore. I do not have time to get upset because life is short. My friendships have also become closer, and I have cut some people out of my life because some friendships were toxic. Not that you would define these friendships as toxic at first glance. They were the kind of friendships that drain your energy or involve people who constantly complain. I was not aware before that such things or people were dragging me down. Cutting these people out of my life has given me so much balance. I can hardly believe it, but I have never felt so balanced in my life. Those unconscious stress factors are no longer there.

6. How has the illness changed your relationship with God?

Minusch: I have come much closer to God. I remember when I had trouble sleeping at the beginning, I called the crisis hotline, and the staff there prayed with me over the phone, which I found very comforting. They also sent me a small book about the church and Jesus. During that time, I read a lot from the Bible, even passages I did not know before… For example, I was already familiar with Psalm 120, but during that period, I read it very often because it fit my situation. I also frequently spoke with the pastoral counselor…The day I found out that I would need chemotherapy, I was angry. But I wanted to wait and see what would happen…I realized that God is always there and looking out for me. Even if it was a terrible situation, He is there the entire time. He has not left me alone. I thought about other situations in my life. Situations that were incredibly bad, where I was always supported. I was sad and angry, but the solution was always just around the corner.

7. If you had 3 wishes, what would you wish for?

Minusch: I would wish for better weather, good health and to have a beautiful and fulfilling life.

8. What tips do you have for people who are in the same or a similar situation as you were back then?

Minusch: I would also advise against googling or following certain Instagram profiles, as everyone has their own individual diagnosis. Secondly, request a consultation with doctors. And lastly, accept help. Admitting that you are ill. People often associate cancer patients with the verb ‘strong’ and I have the feeling that patients try to fulfil this. But you are ill and have cancer – that is not a cough. You can be ill and do so with a clear conscience. For example, I felt guilty about my work colleagues because I thought to myself: ‘Shit, now I cannot go to work’, but when you are ill, that is the way it is. You are allowed to be sick and recover and take the time you need and get fit. I stressed myself out to get fit again and put myself under pressure.

Find Minusch Afonso on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/minusch_afonso/

Give abylovesblogging a Like and a Follow on Instrgram: https://www.instagram.com/abylovesblogging/

Support DKMS Germany and become a stem cell donor (Germany): https://www.dkms.de/

Support DKMS USA and become a stem cell donor (US): https://www.dkms.org/

Study on Breast cancer in Germany: https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/38702333/

Schmetterlingclara – “Life has so much to offer if you let yourself get involved”

© Instagram: @schmetterlingclara
  1. You are very active on Instagram and take your followers into your everyday life, how did you come to this?
    • Clara: As a teenager, I actually only consumed Instagram myself and I came across a few accounts where people affected by the disease talked about their illnesses. So I thought I could do the same and founded my account @schmetterlingclara in 2018. At first, I did not dare to speak directly to the camera or really say anything private about myself. It was not until spring 2021 that I jumped over my own shadow and posted a personal story. And then the whole thing started rolling. I was allowed to introduce myself and my story on various other Instagram accounts and as a result, more and more people became aware of me. Then one day, when I posted (in my eyes totally embarrassing) dance reel which went viral, the number of my subscribers skyrocketed. Since then, new followers have been coming in all the time. I post what I think is important so that more people learn about my condition and so that they can better understand those who are affected by my condition, but also those affected by other conditions/disabilities, and see life from a different perspective. But I also like to respond to the wishes of my followers and answer questions, because as an outsider you often do not know all things.
  2. You also do educational work on Instagram about your disease (Epidermolysis Bullosa), how important is that to you?
    • Clara: This has become very important to me. People often stare at me on the street just because I “look different”. People whisper behind my back and make wild assumptions about what I might have. Many also keep their distance and pull their children away because they think I am contagious. And still others approach me and want to sell me their “healing water” or invite me to their sect because they believe that God and/or Jesus could heal me. But I also have to explain myself and my illness to doctors and carers again and again, because even in the medical field, most people do not know much about my illness. And that is exactly what I want to change. I would like to educate people about EB (Epidermolysis Bullosa), so that we sufferers are no longer constantly stared at and we do not have to explain ourselves over and over again. But I also want to campaign for issues such as disability in general, because there is still so much need for education and action there too. Because we can only achieve something if we are loud together. And I am already very well known within our “EB community” and I am now often recognised on the street.
  3. What positive or negative experiences have you had on social media?
    • Clara: I have to say that I am very lucky in this area. I get 98% positive and kind comments and messages. But of course there are always the odd stupid comments. Partly out of ignorance, because many people come across a reel or a photo of me while browsing and have no idea what I have because they (like most people) have never heard of EB. But of course there are always stupid comments from people who do not want to or cannot accept my opinion and my point of view. It is not about “being right” or anything like that. One of the most popular topics is the word “disability”. Many other influencers and I hate it when people try to use the word “disabled” to describe us […]. I was born with this disease, I do not know any other way, but for most people it is hard to imagine. I am really grateful to have such a great community that supports me, that rejoices with me when nice things happen and also listens to me and understands when I am not feeling well. Many people are always worried when I do not post for a day. I could not have a better community because they are the ones who motivate me to keep going every day.
  4. What is your support on days when you are not feeling good?
    • Clara: My family, my friends and the prospect of upcoming wonderful events. My family and friends are always there for me and support me as much as they can. Especially with my friend, who also has EB, I can have a good moan to her at any time and about anything because she understands me, as she often goes through the same things as I do. But my “healthy” friends are also always there for me. What helps me varies and also depends on the situation. Sometimes it helps me to go out, do something and distract myself. On other days, I do not want to see or hear anyone and then I just want to be alone and have some peace and quiet time. And sometimes it also helps me to talk about it. With my parents and/or with my friends. I often visualise my thoughts and feelings about on Instagram. Just as it comes into my head and then I get a lot of love messages that build me up again.
  5. How would you like society to treat people with your or similar illnesses?
    • Clara: Firstly, I would like people to approach me with genuine interest and ask me directly if they have any questions. […] I wish to be treated as a fully-fledged person, because unfortunately many people still believe that you are also mentally limited if you are in a wheelchair and travelling with a companion. Of course, there are situations in which you have to be considerate of people with disabilities and/or chronic illnesses, but otherwise we want to be treated as normal as everyone else […].
  6. How do you (always) manage to deal positively with your to deal with your illness in a positive way and draw strength from it?
    • Clara: Even though it may seem like it, but I am not always positive. There are a lot of days when I just think everything is rubbish. But it is true that I have a positive attitude to life from the ground up because I simply love life. I have lovely people around me who give me strength and I always try to do lots of things. So, that I always have something to look forward to. I have already achieved and experienced so much in my life, both positive and negative, and I just want to experience so much more, because life has so much to offer if you let yourself get involved.
  7. In your opinion, what are the disadvantages of social media?
    • Clara: That the inhibition threshold is so low. You can simply create a profile with a false name and no picture and then post lots of nasty comments. Or that many people do not really think about how their message might be received by the other person, but simply type away quickly. Most of such people would not dare to say such mean things in person. I think, at least they would probably more carefully before saying or writing something.
  8. On Instagram you do every now and then Q&A sessions. What is the strangest question you have been asked?
  9. Clara: To be honest, I do not even know anymore, but many people always ask whether it is even possible for me to go to the toilet normally or whether I can have a relationship with my illness. These questions somehow seem to have a magical attraction. But I now simply ignore these and other private questions.
  10. What advice would you give to people who suffer from this or similar illness? How do you manage stay positive and notb to desperate?
    • Clara: I know it is hard, but you have to learn to accept it, live with it and accept yourself as ‘you are’. Because you cannot change it. You should just try to make the best of it. Make the most of every good day and do as much as you can, have fun but also just do everyday things like any other “normal” person. School, work, studies, household chores etc. give you a regular, relatively normal daily routine. Because this also gives you a meaningful task. Otherwise, just LIVE life and enjoy it.
  11. Unfortunately, there is still no cure for EB. Do you (still) hope that this will change at some point? And how frustrating is it to live with this fact?
    • Clara: I do not know any different. I have had the disease since my birth and I have accepted that there will be no cure, at least for me. I do believe that there will be cure at some point, but I think for newborns where the disease is not yet so advanced. However, research is still progressing and there are more and more ways to alleviate the symptoms and comorbidity such as skin cancer. As a result, life expectancy continues to increase and that is something that gives me hope.
  12. You are not just a blogger on social media, you are also creative. How did you start painting or drawing?
  13. Clara: I used to love drawing as a child, but then I did not really get round to it when I was a teenager due to stress at school and other hobbies. During the first lockdown I started drawing again and somehow it became more and more and some of my followers said that I could also sell my stuff. Somehow it turned out that today I mainly create handmade and digitally designed cards for every occasion (Christmas, birthday, Easter etc.) and sometimes sell them too.
  14. What is your personal and most fervent wish?
  15. Clara: I wish to get an assistance dog. Unfortunately, that is not possible at the moment for a number of (private) reasons.
  16. If you had 3 wishes, what would you wish for?
    • Clara: 1. Healing, of course 2. An assistance dog and the opportunity to travel more easily and frequently.

Dear Clara,

Thank you so much for being so honest and open in our interview. It was a pleasure to get to know you and to speak with you about a very important topic. I hope you enjoyed the interview as much as I did. Thank you for your time and your awareness work on social media. Personally, I wish you all the best and that you stay as positive as you are! Best, Aby

@For all visitors of my blog, you can find Clara on Instagram by clicking the link below!

https://www.instagram.com/schmetterlingclara/

Präsentiert von WordPress

MAX RINNEBERG – THE MAN WHO LOST HIS MEMORIES

© Max Rinneberg

At the age of 18 on 24th October 2008, Max Rinneberg lost his memories and emotion due to carelessness. Since, 24th October 2008, he is suffering from retrograde amnesia – that is a memory loss which compromises my biographical and emotional memory. But this incident did not stop him..

Q: Please tell me what happened on that day?

MR: On that day, I had that accident. Everyone has already fallen down the stairs. In most cases, this is not a big deal, except some blue spots. I did not fell off stairs, but I fell three tiny steps. On my way, there were these, in my case, untameable stairs. Few seconds before the accident, I probably was stumbling and therefore fell heavily headlong on the stairs . The result was laceration, traumatic brain injury, unconsciousness and later my amnesia. A half an hour after my accident, I was found lying on the ground by my sister and my friends. At that point, I already could not recognize them – everything was unknown for me. Until that today, my brain is not able to recognize any fragments of memory. All my knowledge and memories of the life before are buried and lost.

Q: When did you decide to let go of your old life and start a new one? When did you accept the fact that you are now another/ new human?

MR: This lasted for a couple of time. At the beginning, I was hoping that everything will be okay in the end – and the doctors tried to encourage me. But, also after a helpful residence in a psychosomatic clinic and an outpatient talking therapy, my memories are still lost. After doubts and uneasiness did not fade but life gave me new opportunities, I realized that life must go on. That was the point when I started over and was able to try different things and finally found myself, therefore I am living to the here and now.

Q: What has changed since you living a new life ?

MR: A lot has change since then. I was a disciplined, organised, structured and competitive athlete. Today, I do not have a plan for every day and take things as they come. I also do not have much to do with sport anymore. Nowadays, I golf with some friends of mine when the weather is nice, at least when it must be physically active. But I Iike much more to be surrounded by nice people and eating nice food and drinking a nice bottle of wine. I also do not live in my homeland, but I try to visit my family and friend whenever it is possible. Currently, I am searching for a new place which could become my new homeland. Now, I am on the go to Spain – or to put it another way, to Mallorca. I am looking forward to work there as a sommelier.

Q: Where do you take the positivity from such an incident?

MR: The whole life is full of energy. Even bad days consist of incredible energy. Therefore, negative thoughts and emotions do also have energy. I have learned to transform these energies in something good and into positive energy. I have especially learned that nothing could be worse than it was at the beginning. At the time where I was helpless and surrounded by strangers at the bedside. I was numbed and motionless of irritation and helplessness. Every day, teaches and gives us something along the road. Usually, these things are just small details but in the end of our life, these little details form a remarkable and huge picture of our journey through life.

Q: You wrote a book about the accident. To what extent did wrinting help you to let go of your old life?

MR: Writing did not let me leave my old life behind me. Writing did help me to realize that this part belongs to my life. It was a kind of a lesson, which consisted of some tasks I had to deal with. To go further, writing helped me to realize and to face life again with a renewed courage.  

Q: Would you still say that the accident had a good purpose ?

MR: In every negativity, there is also a good purpose, even if that is a call to change something. In my case, I could not change anything because I lost my memory. I had the chance to create something new. A life which I want to live, without any force and the chance to decide what I want to do.

Q: How does your family handle the situation?

MR: It was not easy for my family. I think, the incident made us stronger, even though, we had to admit some moments of weakness. But I think, even that requires strength – to talk about oneself and to talk to oneself. Nowadays, we are happy that we have each other.

Q: If you had the chance to turn back the clock, would you do that?

MR: This is a difficult question. The answer could not just be  “yes” or “no”. I have found an answer, although I am still wobbling and searching for the last details – because there still coming new questions which could complete the answer. It will be a long answer, which I will answer in my new book.

Q: Is there a chance that you will gain back your memories from the medical point of view?

MR: In this case, the answer is easy. There is always a chance, but it could be compared to the likeliness of winning the jackpot in lottery.

Q:Last question, what do you wish for your future ?
MR: Life.

_ _ _ _ _ _
Dear Max,
Thank you for making this interview possible. You are an incredible human being. I wish you, from the bottom of my heart, all the best for your future. I am more than sure, that this interview will inspire many people out there. You are such an inspiration. Thank you so much.

PORTRAIT: HOLGER BIRNBRÄUER

© Holger Birnbräuer / www.http://holgerbirnbraeuer.de/

**Key data: Holger Birnbräuer is 48 years old and a former teacher. Today, he is Director of the Seminar for Teacher Training and Continuing Education in Freudenstadt (Germany).

I meet my former math teacher Holger Birnbräuer at the main station in Freudenstadt at 1:45pm sharp. After getting off the train, I walked directly to the agreed meeting point – and there he stood, the man with whom I unfortunately wrote so many bad grades in those math-clasess- and as an information, he was a good math teacher, the blame was on me, because numbers were just not my thing. A reason why I also chose a course of study that has nothing to do with numbers – namely Social and Cultural Anthropology (Master Student at the University of Tuebingen in southern Germany). 

He was kind enough to pick me up at the main train station and drive me to his office. On the way there we had a little small talk. I think it has been more than 10 years since the last time we saw each other. Arriving at his office, he asked me something to drink and Oreos to eat – of course I appreciated his hospitality and agreed. And after I explained to him how the interview would go, it started. < I finally I want to share this interview with you, and I hope you like it. I am aware that I promised my followers on Instagram that this Interview would be released in December 2021, but unfortunately, I did not make it. I am sorry for that, even though I hope that you still enjoy it.

Q: Tell me how you got into climbing/ mountaineering and what exactly do you like about it?

*You can literally feel his enthusiasm when he starts talking about his beginnings. You can tell that he loves what he does.

HB: I have been in love with the mountains since I was a child. When I was nine years old, I was in the Alps for the first time and took part in a hiking holiday camp of a church congregation in Baden-Baden. For two weeks we stayed in a beautiful house and did a lot of hiking among other things. That is how I gained my first summit experience, even if they were mostly below 3000 meters at the time. After that, the mountains have not let me go and in 2002 I started with my first 4000m mountaineering. What I like about mountaineering is that you are out of the everyday life. You must be concentrated all the time and do not have time to think about work or other things. And then when you suddenly have the time to and do not have to be 100% focused, you lift your gaze and you are in the middle of a breath-taking landscape. Mountaineering is also a wonderful community experience: being together in a mountain hut the night before a difficult tour or in a tent during an expedition is something special. Furthermore, there is the added joy of successfully completing a tour or an expedition: The thought of ”I have set myself a challenging goal and achieved it.” When you realize during a difficult tour that you are up to the high difficulties, then you almost burst with happiness, and you are really in the flow. Accordingly, you just go home happy and, despite the exhaustion, have recharged your batteries for everyday life and the family.

Q: You have been to several countries – What have you learned (as a person) during your travels?

HB: Above all, I have experienced what unites people during my mountain journeys on five of the seven continents. Many of the wishes and desires are the same, despite the most diverse living conditions. That is what I always try to do: I try to find out something about the living conditions of the people in conversations and a part of my travel preparation is always to learn at least a few words of the language spoken there. Especially for my trips to the Himalayas I took a lot of time for this, and my Nepalese was not that bad. Now, unfortunately, most of it has already been forgotten. But one of the great needs is certainly to be treated respectfully.

Q: Besides mountaineering, what are your other hobbies?

HB: I still like to make music, even if the time to play the guitar is hardly there due to family obligations. I also like to pass the time with a good book or a good computer game from time to time.

Q: What does mountaineering give you that, for example, jogging would not?

HB: Well, jogging is preparation for mountain climbing. It is a bit like making music: The session with the band in the rehearsal room is not as much fun as a performance in front of an audience. Jogging is the work, and the mountaineering becomes more of a pleasure the better you are physically and mentally prepared.

Q: During your travels, you have also faced setbacks – What were such setbacks? What did you learn from them?

HB: The biggest setback was certainly the abandonment of the expedition on Mount Everest after the earthquake in 2015. Above all, however, I learned from my expedition to Aconcagua in 2010: the highest mountain in South America, there, at an altitude of 4400 m, I got altitude sick at base camp and began to develop high-altitude pulmonary edema. So, my lungs started slowly to fill with water. That means the expedition ended with a helicopter ride down to the valley. This was the first setback I experienced, and it mainly led me to approach my goals with even more respect and to professionalize my training significantly. After a period in which you are naturally depressed, you must see what you can do better next time. Excitingly, this is a process from which I always draw a lot of motivation.

Q: How do you prepare for an expedition?

HB: My preparation for an expedition has many levels, and I resolve to get one step closer to my goal every day on at least two of the levels. In everyday life, I can sometimes get a little stingy, because going without a chocolate bar at the gas station brings you one euro closer to your goal. The second level is the physical level: I always try to be at a good level of fitness by jogging and cycling. It is not so much the speed that matters to me, but the duration of the training.  Thus, I create a very good basic endurance for myself. The closer the expedition gets, the more I increase the duration and number of my training sessions.  A never-ending jogging round then helps the mind to be able to climb a never-ending steep snow slope on the mountain. I put a lot of thought into the key difficulties of a mountain and think of strategies to master them. If I do not find any solutions here, I would rather leave a tour alone. Intuition also plays a big role: sometimes you just feel that it is not yet the right time for a particular mountain. And finally, this level also includes dealing with the country where the mountain is located and its culture and language.

Q: In 2015, you had your first attempt to climb Mount Everest – unfortunately, that did not work out due to the earthquake. How disappointed were you? Was it clear to you that you would try again?

HB: The disappointment was huge.  If you then realize that many people lost much more, even their lives, because of the earthquake, there is also a guilty conscience that you are now whining because you could not climb Everest. I had to wait several days in Tibet until I could get a flight home. Suddenly there was also a lot of homesickness that I do not really have on a normal expedition. That I would get a second chance to climb Mount Everest was also not foreseeable at that time: In addition to the financing, there was a big question mark behind the question of whether I would be able to take so much time off from work again. But my wife was the first to say: ’You have to try this again, otherwise something is missing in your life’. Fortunately, the opportunity to fly to Everest arose again in 2017.

Q: Your highlight was certainly climbing Mount Everest – try to describe the feeling you had when you stood on the highest point of the earth…

HB: First of all: Mount Everest was not the highlight of my mountaineering career. But of course, I also expected that climbing the highest mountain on earth would be the greatest thing. When I finally realized that this was not the case, it was first difficult to classify: Why was not I as happy as on other summits? I had to admit to myself that, looking back, the highlights were actually during the tours and expeditions I did to prepare for Everest. For example, climbing Denali in Alaska (the highest mountain in North America) or climbing Cho Oyu (8201 m). Two of the many reasons are certainly the extensive support I had on Everest from the Sherpa team accompanying us and the use of bottled oxygen on the way to the summit. On Cho Oyu and Denali, my mountaineering performance was much higher: On Denali, I carried up to 43 kg of equipment myself in a backpack and on a sled. On Cho Oyu, I reached the summit without artificial oxygen and really had to fight for every little step at the end.   The Everest was much easier to climb and therefore it is not on one of the first places in my mountain experience charts. But I have no regrets and I am proud and happy to have stood at the highest point on earth. I was there for about 15 minutes. It was very cloudy and snowing lightly. You could not see 30 meters away and the hoped-for moment when the world is literally at your feet, and you can look into the distance did not exist. Also, you know that the difficult and far more dangerous descent still lies ahead. That fact reduces the summit joy already a little. I felt the greatest summit happiness on Everest about 20 meters below the summit: Here it was clear to me that I will actually reach this all but self-evident goal and that no one will take it away from me. Then I took a few photos and a short video, before I went again extremely concentrated on the descent.

Q: What event would you equate climbing Mount Everest with if you could…?

HB: To be honest, nothing comes to mind at this very moment, but I can say that the experience of Everest, for example, was clearly surpassed by the experience of the birth of my three children.

*His facial expression tells you that most of all things he has achieved – he is happy to be a proud father.

Q: Mount Everest was a long-awaited dream of yours – What are some other mountaineering dreams of yours?

HB: My two big goals are to climb all 82 (4000m) peaks in the Alps and to climb the “Seven Summits”, i.e., the highest mountain on each of the seven continents. Both goals are realistic, because five of the Seven Summits – Everest (Asia), Denali (North America), Aconcagua (South America), Kilimanjaro (Africa) and Elbrus (Europe) – are already completed, and especially the most difficult ones. The expeditions to the two remaining mountains, the Carstensz Pyramid (Australia/Oceania) and Mount Vinson (Antarctica) are therefore two of my big mountain dreams.  Out of the 82 (4000m) peaks in the Alps, I am still missing 26, which I hope to be able to climb gradually over the next few years. And then there is the big dream to climb one more of the 14 eight-thousanders of our earth without artificial oxygen: The Gasherbrum II in Pakistan.

© Holger Birnbräuer/ http://holgerbirnbraeuer.de/

Q: How do you deal with critics who classify mountaineering as a kind of pollution (in terms of flight)? Can you understand such people? If so, to what degree? Do you deal with yourself critically in this respect?

* serious look*

HB: Yes, I am very concerned about the environmental impact of flying. My way of dealing with it, is O2 offsets. I also try to behave more sustainably in other areas of everyday life: My electric car and soon our own photovoltaic system will hopefully contribute to this. In addition, I take responsibility for my actions on site at the mountains and make sure that I leave as few traces as possible.  For example, on the way back from the advanced base camp to the base camp of Mount Everest, I collected 200 empty beverage cans that were lying around. 

Q: After all, mountaineering involves certain risks – how does your family deal with them?

HB: I am actually amazed at how surprisingly relaxed everyone is about it. I do not know how I would feel about it myself if my children were to be on this level later on.   But I think everyone knows that I assess risks and dangers correctly and that, if the worst comes to the worst, I can do without a summit and prefer to turn around if things get too dangerous. But my family also puts up with a lot simply because they know how important the mountains are to me and what strength they give me for everyday life and thus also for family life.  

Q: What do you enjoy more – your work as a teacher/director of education or mountaineering? And why?

HB: I enjoy both enormously. Family, work and hobby form a triangle that is and must be in a good balance. One gives me strength for the other and so it is actually not true when I sometimes say in jest that it would be nice if I did not have to work anymore and could always go mountain climbing.  

Q: Which trip have you enjoyed the most so far and why (Mount Everest excluded)?

HB: That is almost the most difficult question. I have to mention the trip to Africa to Kilimanjaro, if only because it was the first big mountain trip. I still remember the feeling of happiness when I booked the tour, and of course the incredible landscape around Denali in Alaska. But actually, all mountain trips were wonderful experiences in their own way, with the exception of the earthquake on Everest and the altitude sickness on Aconcagua.

Q: If you had the opportunity to change something in the world, what would it be?

HB: I would give every person the ability to pause before they take actions and to ask themselves what effects their own actions have for other people. I believe that many people lack this and that it leads to many bad things that we are currently experiencing in our society.  

 © Holger Birnbräuer / http://holgerbirnbraeuer.de/

Q: Imagine you could wish for three things – What would they be ?

HB: I have already described the first wish in the question before. I hope that there was more peace, silence and sustainability on our planet. Then, of course, health for me and my family. The third wish would be a little less work and more time for family and hobbies.

After thirty minutes the interview is already over. It is clear that after all these years you want to know what the other has done. So we talk about changes in our lives or the time when I was his student and he was my teacher. After a great interview, he offers me a ride to the station, which I accept.

Dear Holger,
what a joy I had when I saw you in November 2021. Thank you so much for responding to my interview request. It was nice to see you after all these years and to do this interview with you. I thank you especially for your time and openness. Most of all, I wish you and your family all the best for the future and hope to see you again at a later time.

**For all my followers: If you would like to get in contact with Holger, you can find him on Facebook or contact him via his main website: http://holgerbirnbraeuer.de/

AMIVI PETRA ETOU-ASSIGNON – INSTITUTIONAL /SYSTEMATIC RACISM IN GERMANY

“I have a dream that my four little children will one day live in a nation where they will not be judged by the color of their skin, but by the content of their character.”

Martin Luther King, Jr.

Q: Please introduce yourself to my followers and why it is important to so speak up…

A: My Name is Amivi Petra Etou-Assignon. I am 29 years old, living in Stuttgart (Germany) and I am mom of a 5-year-old boy. It is important to share our experiences with one another to learn and grow from it, and to see that we are never alone facing difficult situations and circumstances.

Q:Back in school, you already faced institutional racism. Tell me in which way?

A: Yes, in elementary school I faced racism. Classmates used to assault me and calling me names and made fun of my black skin. Even my teacher recommended me to a Secondary Modern School, and I was told by an early age that I will get married and start a family, because this would be typical for people like me and it would be a waste of time to send me right to a Grammar school.

Q: Why is it important that (black) people tell their stories about what they have been through in context of racism?

A: It is really important to speak up and show people that racism and institutional racism exists to this. We refuse to be quiet and suffer in silence. This treatment we have to endure is not okay and we will never get used to it. It affects our emotional and phsyhical health. We should also be an example to our children. Showing them we speak up for ourselves and demonstrating them that we will not accept nor tolerate such behaviour. We have rights, human rights and we are ready to fight for it.

Q: In your opinion, where exactly is the problem regarding racism in Germany? What must change in order to overcome racism?

A: The problem is that people barely admit their racist behaviour. They will also compare Germany to the USA and say stuff like “they are not even that bad compared to other countries”. The first step is to realise racist behaviour, but the realisation is in short supply. I remember a German TV-show which is called “Die letzte Instanz” where famous Germans were talking about racism. They agreed that it is not racist to use discriminatory terminology even though people feel hurt being called in a specific way. Furthermore, they agreed by saying that one should not make such a fuss and always “put on the shoe” (meaning that people should not take the blame when accused of racist behaviour). So, we see it is a deep-rooted racist mindset which still exists. I have really no idea how to overcome this. Awareness training has shown little improvement so far…unfortunately.

Q: You shared an emotional video few weeks ago, in which your handsome child cries and says that he does not refer to himself as beautiful because of his black skin. Tell what did you think those words coming out of his mouth?

A: It is really sad and hurtful to see your own child having a breakdown. Society proves that White people go through life easier than POC. It is sad that even children experience that.

Q: You are about to marry next month; but you had to change the plan. Tell me what exactly happened?

A: My fiancé and I planned to marry in a village near Ludwigsburg where we are building our house. We gave all the required documents to the register office there. A few days later, we get a writing from the register office that they doubt my identity. My fiancé is supposed to have said on the phone that I was born in Germany, which he never did.  I was born in Togo and came to Germany at the age of 2 years. So now the registry office want to investigate and demands birth documents from Togo which prove my personal details . I instantly knew that I am dealing (once again) with institutional racism. So, we consulted a lawyer and he tried to mediate with the registry office. But, the registry office still does not believe my point of view. We ended up consulting another registry office about 20 kilometres away in Stuttgart.  They were totally shocked about what had happened to me and told me that I am German citizen, so it is no problem for me to get married. So next month we will marry at the registry office in Stuttgart.

Q: Why do you think that your marriage is being made difficult (on purpose)? In which way?

A: I think its still a problem for some authorities to see people with an African background marrying their native citizen. Especially in villages, people are not happy about it.

Q: What would you like to tell young children / people dealing with the same issue?

A: Never give up fighting for your rights. There will be always a way for you to get your right.

Q: What would you like to change if you had the power to do so?

A: That people are treated naturally without reservations and prejudices. That racism disappears from people’s minds and life can finally take place without discrimination.

I have already spoke to another interview partner (Candy Frankenstein) about the issue of racism in Germany in my blog but this is such an important subject to discuss. And do not get me wrong, publishing those stories is not the attempt of telling that all Germans are racists. I do believe that most people are friendly and open-minded BUT I have been dealing with this issue as long as I am in Germany. Maybe not everyday BUT it still occurs – after living here for more than 20 years (!) – and sadly, I am not the only one. It is important to speak up and that is what I try by publishing such interview, like this one with Petra.

Dear Petra, thank you for your courage and sharing your story. I hope one day, we will live in a world where hate, prejudices and degrading people based on their appearance will not be an issue anymore. It is way too much to handle and to deal with . I wish you and your little family all the best and have a beautiful wedding – keep telling and fighting against racism – it is still necessary!

GAYLENE MOYERS – THERE IS NO “RIGHT” WAY TO GRIEF AND THERE IS NO “RIGHT” AMOUNT OF TIME TO GET THROUGH THE PROCESS OF GRIEF

Gaylene Moyers (left) with her deceased daughter Kylee J. Bruce
© Facebook: Gaylene Moyers

1. Tell me what kind of person Kylee was…what do you love most about her? How would you describe her?

GM: First of all, Ky was her own person. She spoke her mind and you never had to guess what she was thinking. As a kid, she was just as happy hanging out by herself riding horses or pretending to be a horse. Sheeven ate grass and would come in the house with green lips!She was extremely sarcastic and that is how she showed her love! If she wasn’t sarcastic to you, she probably didn’t like you very much! But she was also the defender of the underdog. She would stand up for kids who were being bullied, and then she would tell them exactly why they were being bullied and give them some life advice! She was focused and dedicated to her school work and to sports. She loved basketball and worked hard to make her team successful. She was team captain andwas the one who would encourage her team mates to be better than they thought they were. I love everything about Kylee, but the one thing I love and miss themost is her giggle! It was contagious! I sometimes go to her Facebook and Instagram just to find videos of her laughing. She also had a beautiful voice and I wish there were more videos of her singing.

2. What exactly happened to Kylee (so that my followers know what happened). Can you recall the special moment when you (unfortunately) were told that Kyleewas gone?

GM: As I mentioned, Ky loved basketball and she was on her way to an open gym. This is where anyone can go to the gym and play basketball. It isn’t a competitive game as far as having teams from to see if she had left yet. Brandon said that she had left, but that she was probably just going slower due to the roads being snow covered. Kristen called a while later and said that Ky still wasn’t there. Brandon got ready to leave to see if maybe she had broken down or slid off the road and when he got to the door, he saw flashing lights of police cars and a line of traffic that had been stopped. He and Kylee lived just a short distance from the main highway that Ky had to travel to get to the gym. Brandon figured that Ky was probably in that line of traffic, so he started walking to see if he could find her. From what I understand from Brandon’s story is that he was looking for her car and saw that there was an accident and asked a police officer what color the car was that was in the accident. The officer said blue and Ky’s car was black. The officer asked Brandon what he was doing and he said that his girlfriend was going to Bend and she hadn’t arrived at her destination. The officer asked what his girlfriend’s name was and Brandon told him at which time the officer said that she was in the accident and was deceased. We still don’t really know what happened and I’m not sure the investigation is closed. But a witness that was two cars behind her and actually knew Kylee said that she just suddenly swerved hard and lost control. She crossed the lane of oncoming traffic and was hit by an SUV on the passenger side of her car and broke her neck. She died on impact. The moment I found out will be etched in my memory forever. It was December 20, 2016 at 9:21PM. I was just leaving the home of an elderly lady that I took care of a few nights a week. My shift had ended and I was walking to my car when my phone rang. I missed the call because I had my hands full, so as soon as I put the bags down and had started my car, I listened to the message from my oldest son asking me to call him. I called him immediately, we made small talk and then he told me that he had some news that wasn’t good. I instantly thought that his wife, who was a fairly new driver, had been in an accident with their kids and my mind searched for the strength to be available to him so I could support him. Then he told me that Kylee had been in an accident and didn’t make it. That poor boy had to sit and listen to his mother wail and scream, “No, God! Don’t take my baby!” After I was able to stop screaming, he told me that he had called his dad and that he was going to call the rest of the kids, except our youngest because her phone wasn’t working very well. She was the only one living at home at this time, so I had to do the hardest thing I’ve ever done in my life which is to go home and tell my daughter that her sister was gone. That moment was the most heart-wrenching moment of my life. It was hands down harder than finding out that I had lost a child. We cried and collapsed on the bed still not quite believing that it could be real.

3. What has changed since the day Kylee (unfortunately) died?

GM: Everything! Our family dynamic is not the same without her presence, my children aren’t the same without the unique relationship they each had with Kylee. Her friends miss her laugh and sarcasm and her outspoken personality. Brandon lost his love and his child; he will never be the same. Kylee’s dad and I will forever be changed. We lost a person that we created, brought into the world and loved and nurtured for 24 years. We carry her absence around like a heavy burden. We all live with a piece of our hearts gone. That part of us will never be reestored. There is no such thing as a “new normal.” In our human-ness it’s not normal for a child to die before their parents. It breaks all the rules of how our minds think things should be. But children do die before their parents and it turns our world upside down for a while until we can wrap our heads around the reality and decide if we will let it consumeus or whether we will embrace the path of joy that still awaits us.Walking around with a chunk of your soul gone is not normal. My identity as Kylee’s mom has changed. I am still very much her mother; however, I am not able to do the things with her that I had planned. I won’t be able to hug her. I won’t be able to watch her and Brandon become parents. I can’t pick up the phone and call her for no reason. I won’t get to hold my grandchild. Kylee’s death made me realize how quickly life can end. I have a new awareness of how I want to spend my time and who I want to spend it with. I find that I have more love for everyone in general, but less tolerance for those who carry negative energy or a negative attitude. I have learned to set boundaries with who I allow in my close circle. I strive to add value to people’s lives and leave them better than I found them by simply being present with them and remembering that they are imperfect children of God just like me. Grieving takes a lot of energy, so it is important to me that I spend time with people who don’t suck the positivity out of my soul! That may sound harsh, but it has to be that way for me.

4. Since that tragic day, you try to help people who have dealt or are stilling with grief of a beloved person. How exactly do you try to help them?

GM: A few ways… I am training to be a volunteer at our local grief center. It is still in the process of being completed and finalized, but I am looking forward to being able to do what I can to listen and bring some comfort to those who are struggling. I also have a Facebook group and Instagram page, both called #lovehardproject where I share inspiration and tips to navigate the grief journey. I am writing a program that also focuses on helping with grief and also touches on mindset because I truly believe that what we think and how we chose to live each day can either make the journey difficult or more joyful.

5. You have an Instagram account (group) called (#lovehardproject). What is the aim of that account?

GM: #lovehardproject started as a facebook page where I wanted a placethat was positive and uplifting. It was 2017 and the feel of the country was very negative and divided politically. The aim was to simply share positive content. Then the members began to share their stories of loss and sadness about not being able to talk to people around them. Grief changes the way people interact with you. They don’t know what to say. They feel inadequate and/or uncomfortable, so they just kind of drift away. Or they tell you how you are supposed to mourn the loss and that you have been sad long enough. I realized that grief is so misunderstood because we aren’t talking about it! I began to listen to the members of the group and what they were struggling with and I started writing things down. Those things are being developed into a program that I plan to launch by spring. The Instagram account is where that will most likely launch from. I am not as confident on IG as I am on facebook, but I hope that by simply showing up I can offer value and support to my community.

6. I know that you are dedicated to keep Kylee’s legacy alive. You managed to get Kylee a tree at a special place. Is it a way to be in (in some sort) in her presence? How often do you visit this place? What does it mean to you?

GM: Actually, a friend is the one who had a tree planted in Deschutes National Forest in memory of Kylee. Neither of us has been able to find out if the tree was marked when it was planted. We’re still working on that. When I find out, I am sure that I will start a traditional hike to her tree every year.

7. What are the most difficult moments, or which are the most difficult days where you feel overwhelmed by grief? And what keeps you going?

GM: I wish I knew the answer to this question! I never know when the difficult days and moments will come. Most of the time, the anticipation and anxiety of the arrival of a certain day is worse than the actual day. I always think that her death anniversary and her birthday will be rough. Sometimes they are, but most of the time it isn’t as bad as I think it will be. A few months ago, I heard a song on the way to work and that started an entire week of my feelings being right on the surface. I mean everyday I had a breakdown! I have learned to be super vulnerable and honest with those around me. All my co-workers know my story and I tell them that I am having a rough day and that I might need them to step in for me if I have a grief burst. They are the best work family and they are happy to take care of me. What keeps me going? My children and grandchildren! I am blessed with family who are close and supportive. They keep me going because it would be a dishonour to them if I felt like their lives were not worth celebrating. Also, I know Kylee would not want me to be sad and give upon life. She was vibrant and adventurous and since she isn’t here to experience earth life anymore, I will do it for her!

8. After all the tragedy you have experienced – do you think that Kylee’s death was not in vain? If yes, explain…

GM: Absolutely! I don’t even know how to explain it except by saying that we all have a renewed sense of closeness and realizing what really matters. After Brandon shared his heartache on Facebook the night Kylee died, the post went viral and people began to have hope in a love like Brandon and Kylee’s. They began to see how we came together as a family and they came along with us and wrapped their virtual arms around us and mourned and cried with us (I’m crying as I write this and remember feeling the power of their love and prayers). I have never felt anything so real and so powerful before from people that I didn’t even know. My niece set up a GoFundMe account and donations poured ineven though it was 5 days before Christmas. My faith in humanity was restored and I was overwhelmed with the generosity. I still have people reach out to me regularly that I only know through the tragic loss of my daughter. You are one of those people whom I feel a great love for and I am deeply appreciative of your support and how you check in regularly! My children have learned empathy for those who have lost loved ones.They are so amazing and are doing their best to honor Kylee’s memory by simply living their best lives and being kind and helpful and adventurous.

9. Have you dealt with the topic of death since the sad event? If yes, how?

GM: My life has been touched by loss quite often, so the topic of death isone that I have experience with; however, until Kylee’s death I realize that I didn’t grieve in a healthy way .I lost both of my parents to homicide/suicide when I was 19 years old and very close to having my first child. My sister was 15 and my brother was 13 and they came to live with my husband and me. We were just kids ourselves, really, and had no idea how to grieve, let alone try to help a couple of teenagers through the loss of their parents. I believed that as the oldest, my job was to be strong for the younger kids. So I was. I never cried in front of them (maybe twice), and we certainly didn’t talk about their feelings. Looking back, it was horrible! I did them a huge disservice of which I have apologized for. I realized that I didn’t grieve properly when I attended a grief support group after Ky’s death. The things I learned in that group opened my eyes to how I needed to deal with the death of my parents and how far I had come since then. I am now an advocate for talking about death and how grief is different for everyone. I want people to know that howevert hey are grieving is the right way for them and that there is no “right” way to do it and there is no “right” amount of time to get through the process. Mostly, we need to be aware that there will never be complete healing; we will just learn to move through our days with that feeling of loss in our hearts.

10. Did your faith in God change after Kylee’s death? If yes to what extent? And do you still believe in God?

GM: I can’t say that my faith changed at all. I wanted to turn my back and walk away, but I always kept coming back to my faith. When I look back over my life, I can see where God has always had my back even when I thought there was no way I could go on and even when I felt alone. I know I will see Kylee and her baby again and that she is still very much near. I also know that they are in a place with other family members who have died and that their joy is full and there is no pain or suffering. I am comforted by that knowledge. I miss her terribly and as much as I want her back, I don’t want to take her from the place she’s at.

11. What would you like to say or advise people who are dealing with grief right now? What tips do you have for them?

GM: The first and most important thing would be that I promise it gets better!!! I can’t say that enough. When the grief is new and raw, it seems like you will never be able to be better. But with all my soul, I want you to believe that it will get better! And I want you to let that comfort you if only a tiny bit! My heart goes out to you! Second, find support! I want to gently tell you that it may not come from your family or close friends. Your family is experiencing the loss, too, and they may not be able to be the support you need. Death is an uncomfortable subject and people don’t know how to approach it, so they may say hurtful things or tell you that you have grieved long enough or that you should let go now. At first, I was hesitant to go to a support group, but I have stayed in touch with a few of the people that I met there and they understand that a hug is sometimes all that is needed. I have lots of little tips, but I will end with just one more and that is to find a way to serve. I am a firm believer that when you serve others your own problems become less burdensome. I like to think of it like this…Kylee is no longer here to perform acts of service, so I am going to do it for her. Your loss deserves an appropriate season of grieving or else it won’t go away. Feel it and let it be what it is and let the source of love for your child take the horrible event and transform it into something that can help others. Our struggles and trials make us who we are. Life isn’t supposed to be free of pain and hurt. We’re always trying to run from the dark into the light without staying in the dark long enough to realize that there are lessons to be learned there. And those lessons will help us appreciate the light on a much deeper level.

“Never. We never lose our loved ones. They accompany us; they don’t disappear from our lives. We are merely in different rooms.” – Paulo Coelho

Dear Gaylene,

I was speechless when I read your answers and it made me cry. I know how hard it must have been for you answering those questions. In am so sorry for your loss. I thank you from the bottom of my heart for giviung insight on death and grief. I am sure, Kylee is proud of your work and how you are helping people dealing with a loss of a loved one. It is incredible how strong you are – and I am proud to know you (even if its not personally). Please keep up the good work. May God bless you and your whole family. You deserve the best. Stay safe! Hugs and Love, Aby!

KENYA 2019 – MY EXPERIENCES DURING MY SEMESTER ABROAD!

When I started my studies in Anthropology, I knew I will be excited when it comes to my semester abroad. 2018 – when I accidentally visited the Instagram account of an orphanage, I did not know or even guessed that one year later ill be doing my ethnographic research in that specific orphanage called Nipe Tumaini. Right at the beginning, when I was looking up the website, I was touched by the story. A Kenyan man who dedicated his life to help abandoned children and orphans. So, he managed to buy a plot of land. 

Driven by his motivation and the help of many other people, he managed to open the orphanage back in 2009. Since then, children from difficult backgrounds, abandoned children and orphans can call Nipe Tumaini their home…and by the way “Nipe Tumaini” is Swahili and means “Give Me Hope” – and it is actually what this non-profit organization is doing, giving children hope for a better life and access to education.  So, that’s just to give you an insight about the beginnings and the work of Nipe Tumaini.

After I learned more about them, I knew I wanted to get to know these people behind Nipe Tumaini, I wanted to learn about the backgrounds of those beautiful children, and I was sure I wanted to visit this place. Fortunately, the founder Benson Mungai, was okay with my plan visiting the organization and doing my research in Kenya. So, after all preparations were done, I knew that this trip would change me in some way – and yes it DID!

My adventure began on 1st August 2019, when I arrived at Jomo Kenyatta International Airport in Nairobi. I landed at night, so when I finally arrived at Nipe Tumaini, the children were already asleep. The next day, early in the morning, I woke up from the sounds of children playing outdoors and looked through the window – it was a view that filled my heart with love, and I was excited spending the next weeks with those children and to get to know the Kenyan culture. After Mom (my host mother) introduced me to the children and showed me my new home – I was able to do some field work, which included creating a census with all the names of the children, their age and (if known) their backgrounds. Most of the kids were very shy and it took some days until they got used of me living with them. But, once they were comfortable with me – they were hardly able to get away from me, which made me so happy. I loved cuddling and playing with them. Although, my Swahili was not the best, we still managed to communicate in English or with the help of my host parents.

After few days, I wanted to know more about those beautiful children who could not get enough of my playing with them on the playground. So, it was not only important for my research, but it was also in my interest to get insight about their life before they came to Nipe Tumaini. I asked my host mother about and she told me stories which were heart breaking.

Some of those kids were given to the Rescue Centre because their family were not able to care for them. One reason was poverty, which is (unfortunately way too common in most African countries). Other reasons were that parents just did not want to care for (some) of the kids. Moreover, some parents died, and their grandparents were too old to care and educate those kids. Also, one of the kids was an orphan because both parents died in an accident. These are some reasons why some kids ended up at Nipe Tumaini.

In some cases, the backgrounds are not even known. The youngest kid was only 2 years old. Even though, most of the kids did not know (precisely) why they were abandoned and why they live at the orphanage, it was only more impressive how happy they seemed to be at Nipe Tumaini. My host parents tried to give these children a good childhood as possible. Caring for 13 kids was indeed a hard job to handle! I was impressed by my host Mom who was not only a teacher but also a housewife – handling both jobs at once. Some might now say that being a mother and working the same time is not that special – I think it is regarding the circumstances that my host mother was an African woman, handling 13 kids, going to work, facing poverty the same time and still trying to give her best. I saw what African women are capable of: how strong they are! And what I would like to express at this point: she loved those children like they were her own biological kids – she did not make any differences between her biological kids and the other kids. I learnt what pure motherly love should/ must look like and also that family does NOT necessarily have to do with genes.

I did not only enjoy playing around but I loved cooking with my host mother – Kenyan food. My favourite food was Chapati.  If you ever get the chance to go to Kenya, you should definitely try them 😊.

Chapati – Kenyan style

Since I have moved at the age of 4 to Germany, I was only once in Africa – Egypt in 2015, for a holiday. Therefore, those experiences in Kenya, changed me in a way I never believed they would. I learned the way of African parenting and African way of life. Besides all the hardships those people were facing, they still managed to see the positive things in life. That way of living impressed me because I saw that no matter how hard life could sometimes be, there is still a way of making the best of every situation. Most people, including me tend to overlook all the blessings and prefer to see the negatives. Living in Kenya, taught me to be more grateful of everything I got instead of taking things for granted. It may sound trivial but living in another culture makes one realize those things even more. Africans live more light-hearted and that was so fascinating. We, in the Western World, take so many things for granted in so many ways. The time in Kenya, taught me to live more consciously.

It also made me realize how valuable it is to have a healthy family and being loved by them. The presence of those beautiful kids taught me how amazing motherhood could be and how much I would like to become a mother one day. I especially fell in love with Faith (I guess most of you already know that). She was such a sweetie – it felt like I had known her before I flew to Kenya. We were in fact inseparable. I loved cuddling, feeding and playing with her. It was like we had a special bond, and in fact when I was on my way to the airport back to Germany, I cried a lot because I was just used to her presence.

Traveling to Kenya also gave me the opportunity to broaden my horizon in terms of culture. I visited a Kenyan wedding which was beyond amazing. Starting from the colourful dresses, the Kenyan music, the lust of life of the people, the food and so many more.

As being an African I enjoyed the African sun – shining most of the time, which made it really hard to get used to the weather back in Germany, lol. 

Besides that, I was overwhelmed of the kindness of all the people I met. I was seen as a member of that great big family, and as my host parents repeatedly used to say, “We want you to know that this is your second home”. In fact, when I left for Germany, I knew I left behind (my second) family. Until this day, I am still in contact with my host mother.  I would have stayed longer but due to personal issues, I had to leave earlier than planned. Anyway, I still did enjoy the time in Kenya. I did not only grow on a personal level, but also on my academic level. It was my first Anthropological research, which was in fact a special one because I gained new friends and a (extended) family.

At this point, I would love like to thank Nipe Tumaini, my host family and all the kids who made my time special. You gave me opportunity to grow!

I will keep those memories I have made in Kenya deep in my heart!

And by the way, my research question was : “How do Kenyan orphans/ kids define the concept of family ?”, which later changed to ” Concepts of “good childhood” and education in a cultural context. An ethnological research in Kenya”, which I then wrote my thesis about.

** all pictures were taken by Aby LeMarchal.

DAISY DUBARRY – A STRONG LADY WITH A BIG HEART

© Daisy Dubarry
  1. Your story moved me very much and you are such a strong woman. Please tell me about your fate…

(Daisy): I started my own business in gastronomy and at one point I had aching limbs and at one point I couldn’t get up either. But then that was gone again and in the evening I went to bed and tomorrow I couldn’t get up. I called my father and my then best friend slept over at my place and spent the night. Then I went with my father to the hospital in Freudenstadt and they couldn’t tell us exactly what was going on. My father then got so involved and went to the public prosecutor, who then got me out of the hospital. Then I went to the University Hospital in Tübingen and in Tübingen they had to resuscitate me and put me in an artificial coma. They didn’t have to do what I had then. If you read my medical report today, the doctors wrote down exactly the illness I probably already suffered from. At that time the doctors spent several months looking for what I might have. They took my blood every day and sent me to various laboratories because the disease was so difficult to find out, because I did not have the exact signs of the disease. My disease is called systematic lupus erythematosus (autoimmune disease), which means that the body attacks itself. As a result, I got meningitis, and this inflammation went to the spine and inflamed the nerves there, so the nerves are now scarred and no signals are getting through. I went to hospital in December 2011, the disease was diagnosed at the beginning of 2012 and I was in hospital until November 2012. At that time I was also paralysed down the neck, I couldn’t breathe on my own, for example. Then everything happened bit by bit. (I could slowly move my right arm, my right index finger and so on). I had to learn everything again.

2 How exactly does all this affect your body in everyday life?
(Daisy): For example, I have to take a lot of pills so that my illness does not have a new attack. This disease has the same effect as MS. I am well adjusted by the medication. (We) or he (Daisy’s boyfriend) helps me well and we look for alternatives or stop taking pills. If I notice that I am trying the tablet and see what happens – of course I always consult my doctor. For example, we also started a bee therapy* where I could stop my cortisone because I gained a lot of weight. We always look to find other ways. I also had chemotherapy back then, which lasted over a year and did not help.
I take bee products (apitherapy) and my friend goes to the beekeeper and gets bees and these bees then sting me, like on my back for example. This bee venom works well, but of course only if you are not allergic to it.
(Daisy’s Partner adds): About 3000 cells die in the places where the sting was and these cells reproduce in an increased form. We hope that the nerves will eventually send signals to each other again. This therapy is not covered by health insurance, which means we pay for it. In Nagold, for example, there are doctors who charge 10 Euros for a bee. My friend stings me up to 40 bees at once during this therapy. So it is very cost-intensive.

  1. What or who motivates you?
    (Daisy): I have learned a lot in the hard time. Learned a lot about who my real friends are – even who I can count on in my family. In the beginning there were so many I thought were my friends, but the longer I was in the hospital, the fewer I became. The person who has always been there for me and who has visited me every day is my parents. I think if I hadn’t had my parents, I would have given up. They have always been there for me and have always given me strength. They never said that they couldn’t do it anymore and they always tried not to cry in front of me. Sure, when you hear that your daughter is coming back to life, it is not easy. And yet they were always there for me – no matter what I had done wrong before. I think thanks to my parents I have so much strength and I think there is so much strength in everyone if you have the right support. People who love you and who can strengthen you.
    I was not yet together with my boyfriend at that time and I knew him from school. He knew me as a runner and still entered into this relationship with me – no matter whether I was in a wheelchair or not.

4 What does your typical everyday life look like?
(Daisy): My typical everyday life: my boyfriend has restructured a bit for me. When we weren’t in this flat yet, I lived with my parents and of course my everyday life looked different there. But here it is like this: we get up together and have breakfast. He goes to work, then my father comes and we go shopping together. Afterwards I cook for myself and take pictures for Instagram. I do the housework so far, just what I can do. Unfortunately I don’t have a therapist at the moment, because I couldn’t get along with my previous therapist. And here in Pfalzgrafenweiler, there is no practice that can afford what I need.

  1. Does that mean to wait for a therapist ?
    (Daisy): I have now asked the therapists here in the area when they could afford it and they either contact me or I am unlucky.
    (Daisy’s Partner adds): The problem is the legal situation in Germany. She needs physiotherapy and lymph drainage. The latter has to be done in bed, which means that the therapists would have to come and do the lymph drainage before I go to work. As I have different working hours because I work in the field, I have to re-arrange it and the problem is that the law says that you can only have one practice. Because every time someone comes, you are allowed to claim compensation for the distance you have travelled. The legislator does not pay for two different practices, i.e. one practice must offer and provide physiotherapy and lymph drainage. And just because you are a physiotherapist does not mean that you can do both – you need special training. There would be practices that would do lymphatic drainage and another practice that would do physiotherapy, but because of the hard costs, this is not done because only one practice pays the travel costs.

(Daisy adds): In the meantime we have reached the point where we are allowed to take practices from other counties.
(Daisy’s partner adds): We also had a problem with rehab once: we had the first rehab measure in 2016. As I work in the health care system, I struggled for 3 years (including court hearings) because experts thought it was too fat, although it was clear from the medical file that she had gained so much weight due to the amount of cortisone. But the experts said that it was because of her diet. In 2017, we applied for treatment near Dortmund ( Samuel Koch from “Wetten Dass?!” was in treatment there). This clinic is the first in the world to specialise in robot-controlled therapy (approx. 7000 Euro/week). In Dec 2019, the court case in which the assumption of costs was refused on the grounds that it is not a facility with health insurance approval, i.e. it is a private facility. Four health insurance companies cover costs because they have special contracts with the institution, their health insurance company does not have this contract and therefore they refuse to cover the costs. There are always obstacles in your way. There is evidence and documentation from the WDR* and NDR**, in which success stories are presented. For example, there was a pregnant woman who was given an epidural injection that was contaminated, which caused her to end up in a wheelchair. The health insurance company also refused to cover the costs of this operation, which she then paid for herself. After the health insurance company knew that her case was improving, they paid the costs. Today, the woman is no longer paraplegic. This means that the health insurance company can pay for these therapies – but they always say that it is not possible, the law says. It is made difficult. For example, Daisy wants to work, but the Employment oOfice says she cannot be placed because her illness can come back in waves and you don’t know how long she would have to stop working if it happened […]. The problem is the if the Employment Office places her, they have to organise a driver for Daisy to pick her up and bring her back – the Employment Office would have to pay for this, which they don’t want.

6. Where do you get the strength to be so positive?
(Daisy): My family and friends give me the most strength. And of course my boyfriend. Without my family I think I would have given up already.

7. Apart from your body, what else has changed? And would you say that this has also changed things positively?

(Daisy): Some things have changed. I don’t have the same friends I had back then. I know now who I can and cannot count on. I don’t have an insane number of friends any more. My attitude towards life has changed, what is important and what is not. The general opinion: in the past I always liked the latest mobile phone and had so many wishes. Today I think about how to get healthy or how I feel Life can be so short, it can be over so quickly […].


8 If you were to change something in the world, what would it be?
(Daisy): Oh, I would want to change so many things (laughs). I met so many sick people when I was in the hospital. I would make people happy a lot more. I would make people who you know won’t have long to live happy, so that they would see that they are not alone.
I would change the world so that people do not only think of themselves. That people see when other people need help, not just with wheelchair users, disabled or sick people, but everyone needs help somehow. Unfortunately, charity is completely lost. Life is simply too short to be so spiteful towards each other.

9 If you had three wishes, what would you wish for?

  • I would wish that every sick person has a wish
  • That I will get well again
  • Of course money is not everything, but money makes life easier. Above all, you notice it when you are sick.

My beloved Daisy,

I am more than proud to call you my friend. It has been a great pleasure for me talking and laughing with you during our interview in January. I cannot put into words how strong you are and promise you to always be there for you whenever you need me. I thank you from the bottom of my heart for your friendship which has developed after our interview. You are loved ! Aby