There is a common belief that stress is just part of life – something to tolerate, push through, and eventually adapt to. But there is a difference between ordinary pressure and environments that keep the mind and body in a prolonged stat of strain.
High-stress environments are not only mentually exhausting. They often reveal themselves quite clearly early on – but the signals can be easy to overlook, especially when you are focused on doing your job, meeting expectations, or simply trying to adjust.
Over time, though, the cost of staying becomes harder to ignore.
1. TOXIC ENVIRONMENTS OFTEN REVEAL THEMSELVES EARLY
Unhealthy work environments rarely stay hidden for long. Patterns tend to appear quickly:
emotionally unpredictable dynamics
ongoing tension or blame culture
shifting expectations
unprefessional behaviour, such as belittling and humiliation
the feeling to never be enough
In hindsight, many people realize the signs were visible from the beginning. The challenge is often not awareness – it is what to do with that awareness when you need the job.
2. CHRONIC STRESS CHANGES HOW YOUR MIND WORKS
The human nervous system is built for short burts o stress, not constant pressure. When that balance is lost, the body can remain in a prolonged state of alert.
This shows up as:
difficult concentrating or staying grounded
emotional overwhelm or numbness
presistent anxiety or instability
mental fatique that does not fully resolve
In some cases, panic responses can become more frequent or intense when there is no real recovery space stressors.
3. THE BODY CARRIES WHAT THE MIND ENDURES
Stress does not stay contained in the mind – it shows up physically as well. Sleep becomes lighter, energy drops, and the body feels like it is constantly trying to catch up on recovery.
During prolonged exposure to high-stress envirnments, some people also notice significant health changes emerging. Even the relationship between stress and health is complex, the timing often raises difficult but important questions.
4. TOXIC ENVIRONMENTS SLOWLY RESHAPE WHAT FEELS NORMAL
One of the most subtle effects is normalization. Humans adapt to their surroundings – even when those surroundings are unhealthy.
What once felt alarming can gradually become routine:
constant pressure without relief
lack of emotional safety
ongoing instability or tension
living in a near-constant state of alterneess
Over time, the question shifts from “Why is this happening?” to “Why I am not coping better?”
5. SURVIVAL MODE TAKES UP MORE SPACE THAN YOU REALIZE
When most energy goes into coping, there is less left for everything else – creativity, relationships, rest, and long-term thinking.
Many people only realize how depleted they were once they are no longer inside that environment and begin to feel clarity and energy return.
6. SOMETIMES LEAVING HAPPENS BEFORE YOU FEEL READY – AND THAT MATTERS
Not everyone gehts to choose the timing of leaving a toxic environment. Sometimes change arrives externally rather than through a personal decision.
In hindsight, that separation can bring unexpected clarity. There are moments when you realize you were already mentally and emotionally on the way out long before anything changed officially. In that sense, the exit can feel less like a disruption and more like alignment with something you already knew internally – that staying longer would not have been sustainable.
7. DISCTANCE BRINGS CLARITY
With space, it becomes easier to see patterns that were hard to name in the moment:
chronic stress vs. normal pressure
adaption vs. well-being
endurance vs. health
8. LEAVING IS NOT ALWAYS IMMEDIATE – BUT AWARENESS MATTERS
Not everyone can leave quickly. Financial dependence, responsibilities, or uncertainty can delay action.
But awareness still changes things. It creates room for:
boundaries
planning an exit
reducing exposure where possible
taking internal signals seriously
Even small shifts can reduce harm while larger decisions take shape.
CLOSING THOUGHTS
Toxic, high-stress environments often do not hide – they reveal themselves early. The difficulty is not always them, but trusting what you see and acting on it in time.
Not all stress is harmful, but chronic strain can quietly affect both mental and physical well-being in ways that are easy to miss while you are inside it.
And sometimes, what feels like an external interruption – like a layoff or forced separation – can later be understood as removing ypur from something you were already ready to leave, even if you had not fully admitted it yet.
Leaving is not just about escaping pressure. It is about stepping out of a system that requires constant adapting just to get through the day – and returning to a state wherre stability and recovery are possible again.
The environment I found myself in brought back panic attacks that I had not experienced in years. Sleep became difficult. Insomnia became a part of my routine. Over time, I also faced serious health challenges that forced me to confront a reality: NO JOB IS WORTH SACRIFICING YOUR HEALTH FOR! Especially when money i
HOW TO NAVIGATE:
Understand that chronic stress changes your baseline
STop normalizing “endurance” as a virtue
Watch for identity shrinkage
Your body knows before your mind admits it
Distance restores perspective faster than analysis
Recovery is part of the decision, not a reward
Do not wait for the environment to “prove” it is toxic
On International Women’s Day, we don’t only celebrate achievements. It is also a moment to reflect on the responsibility we have toward one another—especially as women, both in our professional lives and in our personal lives.
True strength is not shown by holding others back. It is shown by creating space—space for ideas, for growth, and for different personalities to thrive.
Women in positions of influence have a unique opportunity. They can use their voice and their position to create something meaningful. To support younger women who are just taking their first steps, trying to find their place, their confidence, and their path. Sometimes, small gestures make the biggest difference: honest feedback, mentorship, encouragement, or simply being someone who listens.
Empowerment also means creating environments where people feel respected and safe to grow. This message is especially for the women who consciously work to build workplaces where employees do not wake up in the middle of the night with panic attacks at the thought of having to return to work the next day. Leadership should never create fear or emotional distress.
It is also a moment to reflect on how we treat one another. Power should never be used to make other women feel like they are never enough—never capable enough, never worthy enough. True leadership does not diminish others; it lifts them, encourages them, and allows them to grow.
ALSO INTERESTING: Looking for inspirational stories of women I have interviewed so far? What about Najwa Zebian who uses her voice to speak for the silenced? Or, the story of Megan Faicloth, who studied at Stanford after being homeless for several months? And, Ashley Eakin who challenges the traditional film industry and advocates for diversity and visibility? Enjoy!
Empowerment also means embracing diversity among women. Not every woman is the same—and that is a strength. Different personalities, perspectives, and ways of approaching life enrich our communities and our workplaces. No one should be dismissed or belittled simply because she is different.
Empowerment does not only begin in the workplace; it begins at home as well. With the women who dedicate themselves to raising children, teaching them values, empathy, and strength so they can grow into thoughtful and compassionate people.
And beyond work and family, it lives in our friendships too. True friendship is built on loyalty, respect, and genuine support. It means celebrating each other’s successes, standing by one another during difficult times, and creating a space where everyone feels valued and heard.
When women uplift each other with sincerity and respect, we create communities built on trust rather than competition.
Women supporting women is not just a phrase. It is a choice—one we can make every day.
It was 2018 when I was searching for personalities who are inspiring in a very special way. By chance, and without specifically looking for anything, I came across a video on the SoulPancake platform. On the screen, I see a woman saying the following sentence:
I am just a human and one day this body is gonna be gone.
Ashley Eakin, Filmmaker
It is Ashley Eakin who articulates this sentence. The video is a feature. A video that gives extraordinary people the opportunity to be seen. The company itself advertises with the following sentence: “The Interweb’s GOAT source for uplifting videos about what it means to be human.” At SoulPancake, the focus is on people – people who are real, unfiltered and have a story to tell.
I have decided to publish this interview as a modern 2026 feature, and not as a simple Q&A blog post – so, the interview with Ms. Eakin is a narrative, reflective blog piece that reintroduces my conversation with Ms. Eakin in a way that feels current, layered and culturally relevant. Enjoy!
THE MIRROR MOMENT
Ashley was born with a rare combination of Ollier’s Disease and Maffucci Syndrome – a non-genetic condition that affects bone growth and can lead to tumors, surgeries, and lifelong medical challenges. By 2018 when our interview took place, she had undergone +25 surgeries and survived ovarian cancer twice.
This facts show that Ashley had gone through difficult times. I still remember the medical complexity as well as something else. She desribed walking through her life feeling “normal” – until she caught her reflection in a mirror. She says:
“So, growing up I think I really tried to push the disease aside and almost ignore it. But as I matured and was able to process my disease, I have realized it has infiltrated every aspect of my life. In both good and bad. Growing up, I used to avoid mirrors because when going about daily life, I would think I had the standard body – like what I see on everyone around me, but then I would catch myself in the mirror or see a photo and remember, OH! I am different and it would almost have this devastating effect. But with each passing year, I have grown to love myself but the most dramatic shift probably happened around 2012, with the most prominent growth happening this past year“.
That moment – the collision between self-perception and external reality might probably be something many of us understand. Whether medically influenced or not, many people might be familiar with “The Mirror Moment”. The mirror is not only glass anymore.
It is Instagram. It is TikTok. It is AI-enhanced perfection. It is society.
Ashley continues:
“Do not get me wrong, although I have had internal struggles with my disease – people who know me would describe me as happy and fun. I have not let my disease hold me back from pursuing my goals and I have had some amazing jobs in TV and Film that have allowed me to travel the world. Aside from a small group of people, most people who know me think I own who I am and this disease, which is true. But it is definitely been a journey to get here. I never in my life thought I would be this open on the internet. Even if you asked me two years ago, I would have never thought I would be this vulnerable.“
Ashleys’s realization that “normal” body would not equal a perfect life dismantles one of the most persistent illusions of our time: that appearance determines fulfillment.
Ashley Eakin on SoulPancake – I Survived My Greatest Fear
VULNERABILITY
When Ashley decided to publicly share her story, she called it her “coming out” moment — not in the traditional sense, but in the sense of revealing what had long been hidden.
She wore a dress that showed her scars. She chose not to hide. “I never thought I would be this vulnerable online,” she told me.
In 2018, vulnerability on the internet felt brave and unusual. But it is people like Ashley who have paved the way. In 2026, vulnerability is everywhere – That is important. It is necessary. But there is a difference between curated vulnerability and courageous vulnerability. Ashley’s story was not aestheticized. It was not monetized trauma. It was a woman deciding, on her own terms, to exist fully — scars included.
That distinction matters.
BEYOND THE BEAUTIFUL FACE
Ashley revealed that some people reduce her appearance to her beautiful face. “It’s weird,” she said. “It’s a compliment. But it feeds into the idea that if I had a ‘normal’ body, my life would be perfect.”
Ms. Eakin opens up an important topic which people with disabilities unfortunately face. That sentence quietly dismantles ableism, perfectionism, and surface-level empowerment narratives all at once.
This is what Ashley’s case reveals :
Beauty can become a mask. Compliments can become cages. And assumptions can erase complexity.
That means, in a culture still obsessed with visual capital, Ashley reminds us that a person is not a highlight reel.
CHOOSING MAGIC – EVEN IN PAIN
What I loved during our interview is that Ashley does not romanticize suffering.
She acknowledges her pain. She acknowledges her struggles. She admits that she could focus on the negative — and it would be just as truthful.
But she chooses something else:
I do see a positive purpose. But I really have to focus on that. I could easily focus on the negative and it would be just as truthful. But I think, at the end of the day, you take away what you want. And I choose to live a life where I see magic all around us, even in pain and tragedy. Empathy is one of the most beautiful characteristics of human beings and I get to see that all the time.
Ashley Eakin
That choice is not naïve optimism. It is agency. In 2026, where cynicism often masquerades as intelligence, choosing empathy can feel like rebellion.
And empathy, as Ashley says, is one of the most beautiful characteristics of human beings.
REPRESNTATION AND STORYTELLING
Ashley never wanted her entire creative identity to revolve around her illness. She wants to direct powerful stories — stories that connect, stories that move people, stories that expand perspectives.
That desire feels even more relevant today, as conversations about disability representation, authentic casting, and inclusive storytelling reshape the film industry.
Her journey is not just about overcoming something.
It is about who gets to tell stories. Who gets to direct them. Who gets to be seen.
KINDNESS IS NOT INHERENT – IT IS LEARNED
When I asked Ashley what she would wish for, one of her answers was simple:
“For people to be more kind.”and added something that still echoes today:
Hate and cruelty is not inherent. It is learned.
Ashley Eakin
She added:
“SO MANY THINGS! This video went out and I contemplated a documentary, because I love stories and have heard from so many incredible people pouring their souls out. And I thought about going around and meeting these people – but truly, I do not know if I want my creative filmmaking focus to be on my own life. If the opportunity arose, I may chase that – but my main goal is to direct powerful stories that people can connect to. Not only about my own disease. I have directed a few short films and my most recent one I shot in Malaysia this summer. It is called The Details and it is really special to me. I am excited to release it soon! For my next project, I also have as short film that is inspired by one of my favorite Shel Silverstein poems called Masks. I plan to fundraiser for it and may even include some of the people who have reached out to me through the video. It is going to be a good one!“
In an era defined by polarization and digital hostility, that insight feels less like a wish and more like a call to action.
Kindness is not passive. It is cultural work.
WHY THIS CONVERSATION STILL MATTERS
Looking back at our 2018 conversation, it was never just about illness.
It was about identity. About visibility. About the courage to exist without apology.
Ashley taught me that self-confidence is not a destination. It is a practice. A daily decision to focus on what is internal rather than external. To value empathy over aesthetics. Purpose over perfection. And perhaps that is why this interview feels even more relevant today. In a world obsessed with being seen, Ashley reminds us that the real work is in being whole.
ABOUT ASHLEY EAKIN:
Name: Ashley Eakin Born: California Profession: Filmmaker, Director and Advocate Known for: Films like Single, Growing Up, Forgive Us Our Trespasses, Survive, Crazy Rich Asians
ALSO WORTH READING:
Ashley’s reflections join a chorus of voices I have previously highlighted — voices like Najwa Zebian’s, Kathy Parker’s and Funmilola Fagbamila’s — women who transform personal experience into collective impact.
Sometimes, life feels like a roller coaster — full of highs and sudden drops. In moments when we feel overwhelmed and struggle to put our emotions into words, encountering voices like Najwa Zebian can make all the difference.
I still remember the first time I read one of her quotes. Something about her words felt deeply familiar, as if she had captured emotions I could not explain myself. At that time, I was going through a painful heartbreak when I came across this quote:
They do everything to dim your light, and then they ask you why you’re not shining.
Najwa Zebian, The Nectar of Pain
The more I researched Ms. Zebian’s work, the more I realized that she is far from an ordinary author. I became deeply interested in learning more about her, so I took a chance and sent her an interview request.
To be honest, I didn’t expect her to reply. I assumed she probably receives countless requests from different people, and @abylovesblogging was (and still is) just a hobby of mine.
But sometimes, life surprises us. Najwa actually replied and agreed to be interviewed by me. I could not believe it — I was so happy! Here is the shortended version of our interview from 2017.
1. @abylovesblogging: You wrote two beautiful books – tell us more about the topic of your books ..
Najwa Zebian: My first book, Mind Platter, gives a voice to those who need one, offers a crying shoulder for those who need someone to listen, and inspires those who need a reminder of the power that they have over their lives. Published in the same year, my second book, The Nectar of Pain, is a collection of poetry and prose that the pain of love and loss gave birth to.
2. @abylovesblogging: What was the reason you wanted to write a book? And what or who inspired you to do so?
Najwa Zebian: I never intended to write a book before I published Mind Platter. Those were my daily reflections that I shared with a few people who told me that I needed to compile my work and publish it. I am glad I did. As to my inspiration, it was daily life and reflection.
@abylovesblogging: What is your favoured topic writing about? And why ?
Najwa Zebian: I write quite a bit about silence, but I do not have one specific topic that I favor. I write about silence because it is a universal language that holds so much power.
3. @abylovesblogging: What or who is the main inspiration for you personally ? And why ?
Najwa Zebian: I have many people and things that inspire me. It is hard to pinpoint. I just am a very reflective person. Anything that catches my attention and gets me thinking could be inspirational to me.
4. @abylovesblogging: When did you decide to become an author or to start writing ?
Najwa Zebian: Writing was a part of my life since I was thirteen. I stopped from the age of 16, when I arrived to Canada, till the age of 23. At 23, I started teaching, and that is when I started writing again as I was inspired by the similarities between my experience coming here and that of my students at the time.
5. @abylovesblogging: What would you like to change in this world if?
Najwa Zebian: Of the many things I aspire to change, I would like to empower others to speak up about what they are going through and to feel that their voices matter. I would like the world to have more empathy and more understanding of vulnerability, belonging and connection.
6. @abylovesblogging: Could you imagine, waking up some day and doing something different than being an author? If yes you what would like to do?
Najwa Zebian: I will always be an author as I have published two books already, but to wake up without writing? No.
7. @abylovesblogging: What exactly do you want to achieve with writing?
Najwa Zebian: I want to give a voice to the silenced souls out there.
If you are drawn to stories of healing and resilience, you might also find inspiration in my interview with Kathy Parker, who shares her own journey from pain to healing. Voices matter — whether they speak about healing, the self or challenging society. If you’re interested in another powerful voice, I also interviewed Funmilola Fagbamila, a scholar and activist who plays a leading role in the Black Lives Matter movement. Beyond authors and poets, I also love speaking to people like Holger Birnbräuer, who has successfully climbed theEverest. And let me know who your favourite author is and why in the comments!
I first came across Megan Faircloth’s story around 2017 when I watched a TV show. I immediately knew that I wanted to share her story on my blog. Since our interview, I am grateful to call Megan my “friend from afar“. Even though we have never met in person, we have stayed in touch ever since. Please read this incredible story and share it as much as you can.
GROWING UP IN POVERTY: WHEN HOME WAS NEVER SECURE
@abylovesblogging: Please, tell us about what you and your family had been through because of your homelessness….
Megan: My family began to have financial struggles during my middle school years. We were evicted from several homes and I moved schools a lot. Finally, in my eighth grade year, we were evicted from another house and we had nowhere else to go, so we moved into an abandoned house in Wendell, North Carolina. My father knew the owner of the house and the owner of the house owed him money, so the owner allowed us to stay there, though the house was pretty uninhabitable. There was a hole in the roof of the kitchen where water leaked in every time it rained. There was also a hole in the floor in the room where me and my sisters slept. There was no heat or air conditioning in the house. And even though my parents did not have to pay rent, we continued to struggle financially. We could not afford the water bill, so the house did not have running water most of the time, and we often went without electricity. […] Then tragedy struck. The owner of the home died, and his wife did not want us living in the abandoned house anymore, so we were evicted. We were only given 24 hours notice before we had to leave the property, as the owner’s wife lied to the police about how long we had been living in the house (In America, the longer you are living in the house, the longer you are given to collect your stuff and leave. Legally, we should have been given a month to pack and leave, but the owner’s wife told the authorities that we had only been living there a week so that she could evict us quickly). As a result, we lost most of our belongings. I made off with my bookbag and my textbooks, a bag of my clothes, and a box of my journals- which to this day are my most prized possession. […] I was taking 4 college courses when most students at my school only took one or two because the classes were so difficult.The counselor at my school had warned me at the beginning of the school year that my course load would be too difficult, but I told her I wanted to do it no matter how hard it was. Even before becoming homeless, I was determined to get out of poverty through my education. The same week of the eviction, my mother was admitted to the hospital and diagnosed with an ovarian tumor. We did not find out until two months later that it was not cancer, and so for a long time me and my sisters were very worried. The same week of the eviction and my mother’s diagnosis, my father abandoned us. He was tired of having to be a father and having a family and thought he would have an easier time finding a place to live if he were on his own. […] At one point, I was so exhausted, and I was getting sick often and missing a lot of days at school, so my grades became very bad. I was failing my college biology course, I had a D in PreCalculus, and I had a C in my college statistics class. At this point, I honestly thought it was over. With grades like this, I was not going to get into college. I was ready to give up and quit school. Homelessness had taken away my home and my belongings and now I thought it was going to take away my future.
“I WILL SURVIVE“: FINDING STRENGTH TROUGH MUSIC AND WORDS
[…] But then I decided that I was not going to give up. My education meant too much to me, and I was determined that no person or circumstance was going to take it away. I became obsessed with inspirational quotes and song lyrics, including Gloria Gaynor’s “I Will Survive” and quotes from the novel “Unbroken” by Laura Hillenbrand. I wrote all of them on my bookbag to remind me constantly to not give up.I managed to pull my grades up until I had all A’s. While my family was staying in a homeless shelter, I learned that I was the valedictorian of my school. As a result, school became an even greater source of relief for me, an even greater anchor of sanity, binding me with hope and promise to the future I had invented for myself in my mind. A future where food insecurity, motels, and abandonment ceased to exist.
School was a place of opportunity and hope
Megan Faircloth
@abylovesblogging: How long have you been homeless and how tough was it to have a “normal life”?
Megan: I was homeless from November 2015 to October 2016. My family and I now live with other relatives, and my mom is trying to find a job so we can get our own home. I was always an outcast at school because I was shy and I was made fun of for being poor even before becoming homeless, so I do not think I ever had a normal life. But while I was homeless I did try to make it seem like I was okay in front of my classmates and teachers. I would try to put on a smile in front of them. However, to some degree I was genuinely happy at school. I tried to look on the bright side. School was a place of opportunity and hope. It was not always easy though. One time I could not hide how I was feeling and I broke down and started crying during class. No one really noticed and I kept taking notes.
@abylovesblogging: When and where did you realize that if you want a change, you got to do something? What exactly did you do?
Megan: The education system in America is not kind to low-income students. Schools in low income areas are underfunded and low income students often struggle with emotional troubles that are ignored by teachers. Sometimes there are things you need for class, like expensive calculators or internet or textbooks or technology, that low income students can not afford and that schools can not provide. Overall, the teachers and administration do not seem to really understand the struggles that low income students go through and they can not help them, and as a result low income students do not perform well in school or they stop going to school altogether. Because of this, low income students are likely to be poor for all of their lives and the cycle of poverty is reinforced. For years, I saw some of my friends and peers who are low-income fail in school for issues beyond their control. They came from families like my own. This scared me. I knew if I wanted to succeed that I would have to fight back against the unfair education system. I would have try really, really hard, even when I was hungry or exhausted and even when I did not have what I needed to succeed in school. I also knew that during the college admissions process, I would be competing against students who had way more resources than me, and I would have to also try extra hard to be as successful as them even when they had more. I think I made the decision that I was going to do well in school before I began my ninth grade year. In middle school, I had heard from somewhere that if you did well in school, colleges would pay your tuition for you. This idea enraptured me. At the time a school like Stanford did not really seem possible to me, but I was going to try my best regardless. I knew there were going to be a lot of things that were going to happen that would try to deter me, to slow me down, to break me, and I knew that if I let them that I would never get out of poverty. I decided to fight back with all of my might to prove myself and to survive.
FIGHTING AN UNFAIR EDUCATION SYSTEM
@abylovesblogging: How did this part of your life has changed the person you used to be?
Megan: Now I can sleep almost anywhere. I do not complain much anymore. Belongings and material objects are pretty much worthless to me now because I know very well that I can live without them. I am a person who just wants the bare necessities and instead I find happiness in the little things in life that are free- sunshine, family, music. My emotional recovery after being homeless has also had its low points, but therapy has helped. Being homeless made me grow up a lot and see things in a more holistic way. Worrying about things like, for example, what other people think about me, seems so trivial in comparison to worrying about where you are going to sleep. It has also made me want to be an advocate for other low income students, because the issues that they face are something that is very close to me and very personal, and now I am in a position where I can help others.
@abylovesblogging: Gloria Gaynor’s song “I Will Survive” was the song which gave you hope – how exactly did you feel while hearing the song?
Megan: I heard “I Will Survive” playing on the radio as my mom was driving us to a homeless shelter for the first time. I was feeling very anxious about going to the homeless shelter, but the lyrics, particularly the lines, “Did you think I’d crumble?/Did you think I’d lay down and die?/ Oh no, not I. I will survive!” made me feel strong. It felt like a message to all of the things that I felt were trying to tear me down. I decided to write the lyrics on my bookbag with a sharpie and add them to my collection of inspirational quotes. The quotes gave me courage when I was feeling weak. I felt like I was borrowing courage from other people. I was Gloria Gaynor, I was Louie Zamperini- I could be strong like them.
FROM HOMELESS SHELTER TO VALEDICTORIAN
@abylovesblogging: Your last way out of homelessness was education. You studied many hours in libraries and even outdoors next to your car where your family lived. You finally graduated as valedictorian, which is awesome. Had this been your goal or did your only wanted to get education to change your future?
Megan: I felt like the ultimate underdog in school. I was shy and I was bullied a lot, and I felt like no one in the outside world respected me because I came from a lower class family. The upper-class people we had met before and the rich landlords who had evicted us from their properties had always gone out of their way to make my family feel like trash. But my teachers respected me at school because I worked hard. That was new to me- I always felt like my socioeconomic status was burned into my skin. But my teachers did not care who my parents were or if my family had money. They did not care where I lived or if my clothes were worn out. If I worked hard and was a good student, that was enough for them. I think school was the only place where I had any sense of self worth. So, my freshman year of high school, I set my sights on becoming my school’s valedictorian because I wanted to prove myself to all of the people who made fun of me and to all of the people who had tried to make me and my family feel like trash. At my school, the valedictorian was a highly competitive and respected position. People who became valedictorians at my school were usually popular and came from wealthier families. It became my dream to surprise everyone by taking the spot. Of course, my education and college admissions chances were much more important to me that the title of valedictorian, but I also wanted to graduate as valedictorian to upset the other wealthier people who wanted to the spot. I wanted people to finally have to respect me.
@abylovesblogging: One of the best elite university, Stanford university has accepted you. How do you feel about that?
Megan: It is amazing! Every day that I am on campus I am in awe. I think about how much it took to get here and I think about how hard things used to be and I am still in disbelief that this is my reality now. I am a Stanford student. Sometimes when I am walking around campus, I feel compelled to touch the buildings and the flowers and the palm trees just so I can confirm that this is real and not a picture, otherwise Stanford still feels too much like a dream.
@abylovesblogging: Where do you see yourself after your studies? What else do you want to achieve?
Megan: I do not know exactly what I want to do. Art and music and books played a big part in my success, as did education, so I know I want to work in one of those fields. Whatever I choose though, I know that I will continue to be an advocate for low income students and for education reform. I want to use my privilege of being at Stanford to be a voice for my community and for other low income students that are otherwise underrepresented. I also want to tell my story more, and I want others to learn whatever they can from it, because I know that inspirational stories were such a big part of me having the hope to continue despite all of the trouble that was going on in my life.
LESSONS FOR LIFE: RESILIENCE, HOPE AND NEVER GIVING UP
@abylovesblogging: Do you believe that, although your homelessness was a hard time, that you have learnt something important for your future life?
Megan: Absolutely. If I had the choice to go back in time and change my circumstances, I woul not change anything. Being homeless expanded my perception of happiness. Being homeless acquainted me with the secret reserve of strength in my heart that I had never accessed before, but was there when I needed it. That second wind of resilience, that I think all humans have- that piece inside of us all that is determined to continue no matter what.
@abylovesblogging: Which advice would you give people at your age who want to achieve their dreams?
Megan: It may sound cheesy, but nothing is impossible. You can do anything you set your mind to. The biggest impediments to our dreams are not our resources or talents, but our own perceptions of our limits. If you doubt yourself, you are holding yourself back. So never give up, and never stop fighting.
Megan: I would wish for poverty to end. I would wish for everyone to have two loving parents. And lastly I would ask for my family to have a house of our own.
Since this interview, some time has passed — but Megan has stayed. Even though we have never met in person, something meaningful grew out of this conversation: a genuine connection. I am grateful to be able to call Megan my “friend from afar.”
Her story continues to remind me how much strength, courage, and hope can live within a person — even when circumstances seem to work against them. Megan inspires me not only through what she has achieved, but through the way she moves through life: reflective, compassionate, and deeply hopeful for others.
Her journey is proof that where you come from does not define where you are going — and that even from the darkest chapters, something truly beautiful can grow. I hope Megan’s story touches you as deeply as it has touched me and gives you a piece of the courage she continues to give me to this day.
Kathy Parker, a writer from a small seaside village in rural South Australia, has a remarkable gift for touching hearts through her words. Known for her deeply personal poems and texts, she explores themes of healing, self-discovery, and the complexities of human relationships. In this exclusive interview, Kathy shares an intimate look into her journey as a writer, her sources of inspiration, and the challenges she faces in bringing her words to life. Enjoy!
@abylovesblogging: First of all, thank you for confirming my interview request. I am very glad. Before we start, please introduce yourself to my followers…
KP:Hi, and thanks for having me here My name is Kathy Parker and I am a writer from a little seaside village in rural South Australia. I am a lover of beautiful words, the ocean, mountains, rivers, camping, hiking – actually, pretty much anything to do with being outdoors in nature! I drink cheap red wine so I can afford expensive gin, am a trumpet player by trade but these days spend more time with the guitar, am a total empath, wannabe yogi, paleo chick who loves to grow her own veggies, and I have dreams to one day travel my beautiful country with nothing but a van, guitar and surfboard. And all of that sounds weirdly like a dating profile!! Ha!! It is not, I promise!!
@abylovesblogging: Kathy, the reason I have chosen you to be my interview partner is because you inspire me through your poems and texts. Tell us more about your job as a writer …
KP: Firstly, the fact that you are inspired through my writing is the exact reason I write. I don not write because I have dreams of being rich and famous, I write because the passion of my heart is to bring connection, understanding, healing and hope to women all around the world. To make them feel less alone. To empower women to know their worth, and go forth and change the world. It sounds glamorous. The reality is, it is not. It is hard work, lonely work. It is forcing myself to uncover the places in my own heart I would rather keep buried. It can be brutal at times, unforgiving. It’s many hours of solitude, of being alone with nothing but my own mind. It can make me impossible to live with when I’m in the throes of the creative process. I mostly never get paid, and nobody will ever see the hours of work that go into each piece I write. However, I wouldn’t change a thing. This is my passion, the desire of my heart, the thing that matters most to me. Even on the worst days, there is still nothing else in this world I would rather be doing. The beauty of writing for me is the ability to work around my family and the demands of life that come with that. I don not necessarily have set writing hours, it’s something I fit in as best I can – some weeks that can look like days where there are no other priorities and I can write during normal working hours, other weeks it can look like cramming time into 5am starts or late nights when everyone else is asleep. Lifestyle matters to me and I would always rather write less and have time with my family, time for walks on the beach and morning surfs and yoga and to enjoy a cup of tea in the afternoon sunshine with a book and be available for my family when they need me, and I’m extremely thankful to be able to do what I love around the simplicity of the lifestyle I love.
@abylovesblogging: When did you start writing and what was the reason for that ?
KP:I have always been a writer, and have written on and off since high school, but it took me decades to give myself permission to own it and to find the courage to step into it. However, I officially started writing in 2015 when I began my own blog, This Girl Unraveled. I had just been through some extremely difficult years of my life that culminated in emotional breakdown and physical breakdown as I suffered through ME/CFS. It was about the time I was diagnosed with Complex PTSD, and was forced to deal with a traumatic past I had been covering up with many layers of perfectionism. Those layers soon began to unravel, hence the name of my blog, and as I began to work through my pain and journey toward healing, I began to write as a way of processing all I was thinking and feeling in the hope my words would bring healing to other women who were going through similar issues.
@abylovesblogging: Most of your texts are about breakups, why did you chose to write about this issue ?
KP: More of my recent texts centre around this theme but I tend to write about anything and everything to do with relationships as I feel they are core to the human condition. What I write about at any given time is often what I am thinking about – either from my own experience or from books I am reading or conversations I have with people which trigger themes in me that I ponder and explore more in my writing. Also, much of what I write is with the intention of facing pain square in the eye, and breakups are certainly one universal pain we have all suffered through at one time or another in our lives.
KP:Much of my inspiration comes from experience, as I believe the best writing comes from the deepest places within us, and so I try not to shy away from the things that are hard to write about as I believe they will be the things that impact the hearts of others the most. However, author Dani Shapiro talks about having the ability to put ourselves in the shoes of others – and so being an empathetic person allows me to listen to the hearts of other people and put their pain into words that bring justice to how they feel, so much of what I write comes from the hearts of others who share their pain with me. But I also find inspiration in beautiful poetry, books that rip my heart wide open, and I’m a quote fanatic and spend far too many hours scrolling Insta and Tumblr and taking screen shots of quotes to go back and read again and again – my phone is full of them!! But I’m definitely most inspired to write when alone in nature – the more wild and rugged, the better, it definitely brings out the best creativity in me.
@abylovesblogging: Some of your texts have been published on “The Elephant Journal”, that means a lot of people are reading your poems, what exactly does it mean to ?
KP: Elephant Journal has been a wonderful platform for my writing, and I have been honoured to have been featured there, and thankful for the love and support shown from readers all over the world. However, I have chosen to step away from there for the time being, and from other platforms I have been writing from, as I feel at this point in my career it’s more important for me to be building my own readership, and not the readership of other journals.
@abylovesblogging: Which issues would you like to write about in the near future? And why ?
KP: There a lot of issues I currently write of that I would like to delve a little deeper into that I have been too scared to push the boundaries of up until now. I spent many years without a voice, and now that I have found it, in many ways I am still learning to use it, and to understand the power of it. I don not believe in using a shock factor when writing, but I do believe if my writing makes people uncomfortable at times that is not necessarily a bad thing. In saying that, one area of my life I have not written much about has been my faith, and my journey from being religious to becoming spiritual, and what that has meant for me – the ways religion can damage an already damaged person and be counter-productive to their journey to healing and freedom. This is something I would like to explore more.
@abylovesblogging: What are your wishes for your future? What do you want to achieve ?
KP: The thing I have loved most about my journey as a writer so far is that it has been an entirely organic process. I have never really known where it was going to take me, I started to write because the words began to mean everything and I could no longer not write, so there was never any goals or targets or achievements aimed for as such, just a desire to write. I have loved my journey and the unknowns and the surprises. To be where I am today still amazes me, but mostly, I am amazed and inspired by how my words reach the hearts of people all over the world, and as long as this remains the core of my achievements, then that’s all that really matters to me. I do have a couple of projects I am working on at the moment however, and I hope to see these come to fruition in the next 12 months – both a published collection of my poetry/prose and also to finish writing my first full-length novel and see that to publication also. But really, I just hope to keep doing what I am doing because writing is where my joy and passion come from. It’s like the quote by Howard Thurman – “Don’t ask what the world needs. Ask what makes you come alive, and go do it. Because what the world needs is people who have come alive.” Regardless of outcome or achievement, I am just happiest and contributing best to the world when I am writing.
@abylovesblogging: Could you imagine to write a book, if yes, which topic would it be about?
KP: Yes! As I said earlier, I am currently in the process of writing my first book – a literary fiction novel that addresses the themes of childhood abuse and trauma, domestic violence, relational wounds, generational cycles, and how we overcome, heal and find the way back to our own hearts. It is a difficult book to write, and while not a memoir, much of it comes from a deep place of my own pain which makes the process slow and careful – it is not the kind of book you can smash out in a few months, but one which I believe will be worth every amount of bloodshed it will have taken to get the words on the page.
@abylovesblogging: Do you pay attention to rhythm or epic to make the importance more “visible”?
KP: I am quite new to writing poetry, and when I first began to write poems I did not pay a lot of attention to the structure of how I wrote, just placed words on lines and hoped for the best! Since then I have studied hundreds of poems, traditional and contemporary, and now pay more attention to the structure of what I write. I am probably most drawn to alignment, I have this thing where I like to see the sentences line up evenly, probably a throw back from my perfectionist days. I never rhyme in my poems, not because I don not like poems that rhyme but because it takes me back to many, many lame poetry efforts in my high school days that make me shudder at how bad they were. I don not always write in verses but when I do it matters to me that each verse has the same structure, same amount of lines and equal rhythm. I still love what Picasso says though, “Learn the rules like a pro so you can break them like an artist” and some of my favourite poems are still my earliest ones where rules didn’t exist for me.
@abylovesblogging: Do you have favorite poets and writers ? If yes, who are they ?
KP:So many! Most of my favourite authors are Australian women who are excelling in the area of Literary Fiction. My favourite poets are a little more widespread however, and most fall in the category of Modern or Contemporary – ummmm, just to think of a few favourites from the top of my head – Clementine Von Radics, RM Drake, Rupi Kaur, Lang Leav, Alfa, Atticus, Nausicaa Twila, Sarah Jean Bowers, Cindy Cherie, Beau Taplin, Nicole Lyons, Stephanie Bennett-Henry, Zachry K Douglas, Michael Xavier, Becca Lee, Nikita Gill, JM Storm, J Raymond… there are so many amazing writers out there!
@abylovesblogging: Unfortunately, our interview is almost over, but here is last question: where can my followers find you ?
KP:This Girl Unraveled: www.kathyparker.com.au Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/kathyparkerwriter/ Twitter/X: @kathyparker2206 Insta: @kathyparkerwriter Tumblr: kathyparkerwriter.tumblr.com You can also find articles I have written at Elephant Journal, Huffpost Australia, The Mighty, The Minds Journal, Thought Catalog, and Lessons Learned In Life Inc
Note: This interview was originally conducted on July 18, 2017, and is being republished with the permission of Kathy Parker.
What does it mean to be the first? To walk into rooms where no one looks like you, to lead where others only followed, and to speak truths that are too often silenced? Florence Brokowski-Shekete has done just that — and more. As the first Black female school superintendent in Germany, Florence’s journey is not just about personal success; it’s about challenging systems, embracing identity, and refusing to let injustice go unspoken. In this candid and moving interview, Florence opens up about her childhood between cultures, the quiet strength of motherhood, and the battles she’s fought — and still fights — in a society that too often turns a blind eye to its own biases. From painful discrimination to empowering leadership, she shares stories that are as raw as they are inspiring. Curious what drives a woman who says she wants to be “the Oprah Winfrey of Germany”? Keep reading — this is not a story you want to miss.
@abylovesblogging: Please briefly introduce yourself – what do you do, what are your interests?
Florence: First of all, thank you for meeting with me today. My name is Florence Brokowski-Shekete, and I’m an educator by profession. I studied to become a teacher, worked as a teacher and principal, and today I serve as a school supervision director in a public school office. My parents came from Nigeria to Germany in the mid-1960s. I was born in Hamburg and grew up with a white German foster family. When my parents returned to Nigeria, I was nine years old – and I had to go with them. That was a huge change for me, as I didn’t feel comfortable in Nigeria because I missed my mom terribly and didn’t have a close bond with my biological parents, since I hadn’t grown up with them. Luckily, after three and a half years, I was able to return to Germany and live with my mom again. I grew up in Buxtehude in northern Germany. But even then, I noticed that due to my Nigerian passport, many things were denied to me, and I constantly faced resistance and problems. Later, my mom adopted me as an adult, which allowed me to get a German passport and study to become a teacher. I followed my professional path, which wasn’t always easy and had its rough patches. I wasn’t walking around thinking that life was hard because I’m Black – not at all. But whether you want to or not, there are moments when you realize you’re facing resistance. Of course, people always asked where I came from and what my background was. When I shared my story, they often told me I should write a book – and that’s how it came about that I published my autobiography in 2020, followed by the book “Raus aus den Schubladen! – Meine Gespräche mit Schwarzen Deutschen” in 2022, and in 2024, the first season of my podcast was released as a book. The idea for the podcast came to me in 2022 – I wanted to talk about everyday racist situations. I brought in a white person for the dialogue because I thought it would make a good dynamic – which worked well for six seasons.
@abylovesblogging: What exactly was the problem in Nigeria? Can you give me some examples?
Florence: Yes. In Nigeria, I was considered “the white one.” Because I had been raised in a completely different culture, I was brought up white. The kids there called me that too – in Nigeria, there’s a term, “Oibo Pepe,” which is used for white people, and that’s what they called me. But I don’t know if that was the main reason. The main reason was that I missed my mom. If I had gone somewhere and she had come with me, it wouldn’t have been a problem at all. I love traveling and being abroad. I’m very curious and enjoy exploring other cultures. But in Nigeria, I was a child missing her mom, and that’s why I didn’t feel comfortable there. My biological parents were strangers to me. They didn’t have the kind of love for children that I knew.
Florence: Definitely. I do think there’s a cultural aspect. When I compare it: my white mom was born in 1924, and my parents were 20 years younger than her. You could say, if it were about generational differences, my mom would have been the one who was a bit colder and less loving. But I think it has something to do with culture. I’ve heard the same from others – that, compared to Germany or to what we generally know, the way parents express love there can feel cold. I always said, once a child can walk, it can work – that’s the feeling I had in Nigeria. If you can’t walk yet, you get carried on the back, and that’s okay, but once you can walk, you’re expected to be useful. I really missed warmth – maybe it was something specific to my mother.
@abylovesblogging: How did you manage to walk this path despite these experiences? What helped you?
Florence: I came to my mom when I was two, after being in various foster homes. I’d say, luckily, my biological parents had very little influence on my upbringing. Because I came to my mom so young and was showered with love – I really had everything a small child needs. My mom didn’t have much money, and my parents eventually stopped giving her any to support me. She took it all upon herself. And with the little money she had, she tried everything to give me a nice childhood. […] My first Christmas – I had come to her in February – she made a dollhouse out of a shoebox: an apartment with two little dolls. She didn’t even know if I would play with it or not. […] She did it with so much love – and that was my life’s luck. Those seven years gave me so much love for life that the three years I spent in Nigeria had barely any impact on me. [….] Compared to my sister, I got off lightly. But my parents had a different method, especially my mother. When they thought I needed to be punished, they’d say I wasn’t allowed to write to Germany anymore and wouldn’t get my letters. A teacher who supported me helped me return to Germany. Those 3½ years definitely didn’t leave me completely unscathed. For the first two years afterward, I needed a lot of time to develop basic trust in people. But I always say, everyone carries their own little burden – and those seven years with my mom gave me a healthy self-image. So, I didn’t miss the love of my biological parents, because I had a mom who loved me […].
Florence: Not in a negative way at all, really not. My mom showed me what it’s like to be loved as a child. And I realized very early on (and that might sound really stupid now, but I don’t know why I wanted that as a child), but whenever we went to the zoo (let’s skip the discussion about whether zoos are good or not, but back then it was still a thing. In Hamburg there’s a zoo/animal park and in the ape house there were always the little baby chimpanzees, and they were always diapered like children and so on). And for some reason, as a child I always said that I wanted a little monkey. Maybe because they looked so small and cute. And then I was showered with stuffed monkeys and always cried because I wanted a real little monkey. I think I just wanted something I could love and give love to. When I had my son and I heard in the maternity class that you have to get used to the child once it’s there – and I thought: What nonsense! I already loved my child… I loved this little being before he was even born. So thank God those 3½ years with my parents had no influence on how I treated my baby. I’d say those 3½ years in Nigeria, regardless of my parents, made me a multicultural person. That wasn’t so bad, because otherwise I wouldn’t have any connection to my skin color and my Blackness, so from that perspective it was good. I really realized what it’s like to live in Nigeria as a Black person and be seen as white. […].
@abylovesblogging:What challenges do you see in the future in Germany regarding racism, and how can they be overcome?
Florence: The future is a good question. I do see that there are many people in our society who are open and say they don’t know much about everyday racism but want to learn and be open and do better. They are aware that there are everyday racist and discriminatory situations. People who consciously say that everyone has the same human rights, and we want to do things differently. You can also see that now: People are going out and demonstrating for democracy. But I also see the people – and I see them in my work environment (though that’s probably a coincidence, because my work environment also reflects society… so I think it’s a societal phenomenon) – who say they’re fed up with the whole diversity debate. People who, like the Tradwives, are regressing and becoming conservative again – I get the impression there are people who are completely conservative. They don’t even want to touch the topic of diversity. I work in an environment where the topic „diversity“has not deeply thought of. There are still people who can‘t connect to this topic. I had predicted earlier that we need diversity management. At first, I thought “then I’ll just leave it”, but then I thought “No”. I was specifically appointed by the Minister of Education in Baden-Württemberg to the state school advisory board for this topic, and then I can’t just say in my work environment: “Oh, never mind, it’s not that bad.”
If the leadership of a company, institution, or organization doesn’t address such topics, and no one says “Wait a minute,” then it gets lost. And if the leadership rolls their eyes at the topic, then the people affected feel excluded – and that just can’t happen in 2025 anymore. I’m no longer willing to just accept it. That’s what I observe here and there, but I believe we people who care about this – and that’s not just Black people, but people who are gay, have a different gender identity, etc. – we have to speak out. That doesn’t mean I know all aspects of diversity… maybe I know them on a meta level. I don’t have to like everything, but that’s not the point. The point isn’t to say: “Oh, having a migration background is okay, but if someone is gay, their feelings aren’t valid.” That’s not it. Human rights mean that everyone must be accepted in their individuality, whether I like it or not. That’s the kind of topic where I feel we’re not yet at a point where acceptance is strong.
@abylovesblogging: How can you deal with this fear? Do you have any tips?
Florence: That’s a tough question, because kids and teenagers spend so much time on the internet and on social media. They’re exposed to so many images, “realities”, and truths, that I’m sometimes not surprised if they struggle to deal with it. I’d say home should always be the source where I can express my fears, worries, and concerns. Home or with loved ones, and of course school should also be a place – but first and foremost, home. For example, when the war in Ukraine started, it turned out that many Black students (which I didn’t even know before) were unable to leave Ukraine. I didn’t know there were so many Black students there. The fact that they couldn’t get out properly – that’s something deeply shocking. There were probably teens who saw that and thought, “What if I had been there – would I have been just as powerless?” So it’s good to talk with parents and look at how situations were resolved. In some areas, return tickets were even given away – I meet people from that party and weirdly enough, they’re sometimes super friendly to me. I have no idea why. One time, I was in a meeting and afterward, one of them passed by me and wished me a nice day – like it was super important to him. And I just thought, “Huh? What do you want from me?” I just thought, it’s already enough that I have to breathe the same air as this person. But that’s how they try to instil fear. The more you engage with it, the more it affects you.
@abylovesblogging: Are there moments that especially shaped you? If so, which ones?
Florence: For example, when I did my second state examination, I felt discriminated against by the examination board and the head of the seminar. The way she spoke to me… she handed me my certificate and said, “Your competence is worth that of a cleaning lady.” Then the person who supervised my seminar paper, the one I followed for guidance, was later criticized – and it affected my grade. I confronted him, but he wouldn’t even look at me. It was all very unfair. I always had to deliver more than everyone else. I spent two years at a primary school and that was good – no problems with the kids or parents. Then I was self-employed for six years, which was also lovely. Then I went back to teaching at a schoolwhere I had the strange feeling that the male principal doubted my qualifications. But of course, and again I proofed him wrong. I think he had issues with his masculinity. And I’m someone who doesn’t fawn over men like that – I’m professional and do my thing.So when he saw that I was capable, the dynamic changed. Suddenly I was “the teacher”, and when I became a principal, he proudly visited me at the school with flowers like “my teacher is now the principal”. But I had to first prove myself and show that I wouldn’t be treated like that.Then someone at that school cut up my jacket – everyone initially said it must have been kids. But I knew immediately it was a colleague. Years later, another colleague said: “You know, we all knew it wasn’t kids, and we also knew who it was, but we were too scared to say anything.” And in such situations, no one helps. I wrote about it in my book too – the police were involved. One officer told me not to make such a fuss, it was just a jacket. It was all very degrading. My former boss, who hadn’t even read the book, heard that someone told her she’s portrayed as a racist in it and messaged me on Facebook. But I actually portrayed her as someone who supported me in advancing my career. So I replied: 1. She hasn’t read the book. 2. If that’s her only concern, then I’m sorry I phrased it so gently – next time I’ll give different interviews and be more direct. I mean, she asked for it! If she wants it, she can have it. Since then, I’ve blocked her and cut off contact.Those are the situations where I think – it’s not enough that I’ve been harmed, but I’m also expected to protect the perpetrators’ reputation. Then I applied to be a school principal, and there were plenty of people trying to block me. But there was one woman, the then-head of the school authority, and she said she wanted me as a principal and gave me full support. And the guys – mainly men – who tried to block me, had to work with me when I became a school inspector. One of them had to work with me – that really annoyed him. Eventually I had to put him in his place, because he thought he could cross my boundaries. And there’s still one guy who has to work with me to this day. Totally awful, but I think I show him how it’s done. These are the people who think I didn’t know they were against me.
@abylovesblogging: Do you think all of this happened to you because you’re a woman and a PoC?
Florence: Absolutely yes. Last year I faced a situation which clearly showed that my skin colour mattered. If this situation had involved a tall, white, blond, blue-eyed man, people would have also disagreed with the decision, they wouldn’t have dared to play the same games they played with me. I hold that very much against people – and I was asked: “You’re not resentful, are you?” – Yes, I am. I can handle it professionally, because I believe you always meet twice in life […] I think it happened because I’m a woman and a PoC – that’s where intersectionality comes in.
@abylovesblogging: How do you experience this? Do you notice an “elbow mentality” among Black women in the community?
Florence: […] I remember this from my university days. At the university I attended, there was a Black woman with a white parent who ignored me, like I didn’t exist. Only when I had braids did she suddenly approach me and talk about how great the braids looked and where I got them done. I hear from time to time that there is something like jealousy in the Black community. Like I said, I don’t feel it personally. On social media, sometimes Black people write to me asking why I talk to white people and that I’m too white. But I just ignore that. If people have a problem with it, then they can unfollow me. But because of things like that, I try to live slightly different. My son also wants me to help other BiPocs. I get a lot of requests from young Black women, like your request (she meant mine), and when I tell my son about it, he says, “You’re going to do that, right?” or “That’s so nice that you’re doing that.” For me, that’s a given. […] David Bowie’s wife once said in an interview something like: I opened a lot of doors, and I always make sure that the door stays open for the people who come after me. I really like that. […] That’s why I love supporting young Black women/men.
My first wish would be that my son and I stay healthy and that nothing happens to us – especially him. That nothing happens to him and that he’s happy and content. That’s the most important thing to me. That we can grow old together in the sense that he has a mom who ages but stays healthy.
That society becomes more content again and that politics develops a good instinct to help people feel safe. Because right now, I feel that politicians lack the right instinct to ensure that people living in this country respect it. It shouldn’t be that we constantly experience situations like we have recently. That has nothing to do with whether someone has a migration background or not. If you live in this country, I expect you to have respect for it. It’s like in a family or a class: I can have a certain loving strictness, which means I show the children I like and respect them, but there’s a boundary – and if someone crosses it, there are consequences. That’s what I wish, because if it doesn’t happen, we might face political consequences tomorrow […].
My third wish – which I’ve had for a long time – is to have my own talk show. I have my talk format “SCHWARZWÄLDER & BUTTERKUCHEN” because I love it – I love talking. […] That would still be a wish: I want to become the Oprah Winfrey of Germany. We have some well known hosts and I really like them.. I was on the NDR talk show twice, and I really love all of them.. I’d love to be the Oprah Winfrey of Germany, because I think I’d be good at it. My talks are also on YouTube – they’re not sensationalistic, but solid. I think the German TV program could really use a solid talk show again.
Imagine you want to spend a nice day by the lake with a friend, enjoying some quality time, and this day later turns out to be fateful. This is what happened to Minusch Afonso in 2021. Minusch Afonso is a journalist, moderator, and host in Bavaria and originally from Angola. I meet Minusch Afonso in April at my apartment in Munich to talk about that fateful day in her life. Even before the interview, I knew this conversation would be special. Not only because of the topic, but because Minusch is one of those people you find immediately likable. Here is the story of a breast cancer survivor, which aims to provide insight into what many cancer patients go through and inspire people not to give up.Thank you Minusch for your time, courage and openness!
1. Tell me about this fateful day? What kind of day was it?
Minusch: I had some discomfort in my lower abdomen that day, so I went to see a gynecologist. I was examined, prescribed medication, and everything seemed fine. I then went to the Isar River with my friend for some food and later went home. At home, I ordered some food, and when the delivery guy arrived, I opened the door. For no apparent reason, I pointed my index finger towards my breast and touched it. Just like that. It made no sense. The spot was not itchy or anything, but I just touched that spot. And then I felt a small lump and thought, “Huh, what is that?” I googled it, and usually, Google brings up really scary things, but in this case, it did not.Then, I watched a video on YouTube about how to properly examine breasts and recognize signs of breast cancer. None of the symptoms described in the video matched what I was experiencing. Sometimes, it mentioned discharge from the nipple or skin that looks like an orange peel, but I did not have any of that. So, I thought, okay, maybe it is nothing. On the other hand, I was wondering if I should go to the gynecologist again the next day, considering I had already been there. Then, I remembered I had a doctor’s appointment in Saarbrücken in two weeks and decided to bring it up then.
@abylovesblogging: Minusch went to her see her doctor and told her about her concerns and the lump she had discovered.
Minusch: I attended the appointment in Saarbrücken and told the doctor that I had felt something in my breast. She assured me it was probably nothing serious but examined the area. Having worked in a breast cancer center for many years, she was quite confident it was not anything to worry about. However, to put my mind at ease, she decided to investigate further. I had another appointment where they numbed my breast and used a long instrument to take samples from the tumor. Afterwards, I was allowed to go home. I felt conflicted and another week passed before I was supposed to call for the results.
@abylovesblogging: As if the situation was not difficult enough, Minusch had to wait for the test results. In the interview, she told me that the waiting was the worst part for her. The next day, her life changed from one day to the next.
Minusch: So, I called the next day, and they told me the result was in, and the doctor would call me later – that is when I knew something was wrong. I waited for 1.5 hours for her to call back. Those 1.5 hours were terrible because I had no idea what was going on. When the doctor called, she told me that, unfortunately, it was not as she initially thought and that the diagnosis was malignant. At that moment, everything stopped for me – I was in shock, genuinely shocked. I thought I was going to die. That was my first thought because there had never been any cancer cases in my family. Not even in my circle of friends. The only things I knew about cancer were from TV.
2. What did you do when you realised you had breast cancer?
Minusch: I called my mom and talked to friends who tried to calm me down. My mom drove from Freiburg to be with me. I really appreciated how calm she was because she usually is not that calm. Her calmness helped me stay calm, and we got through that time together. That evening, my mom and I prayed. Eventually, I went to see my gynecologist with her, and the journey felt like it took forever. In the clinic, we had to wait about 45 minutes, and the assistants looked at me with such pity because I kept going to the bathroom due to my nerves. Finally, a doctor came and said that the gynecologist had asked him to talk to me. [Minusch never saw this gynecologist again, despite repeatedly trying to reach her.] The doctor only asked me what questions I had for him.
I had the feeling as if my soul is leaving my body.
Minusch Afonso
@abylovesblogging: Once it was certain that Minusch had breast cancer, they went to the doctor and underwent examinations. She was referred to the breast centre and had to undergo various examinations such as ultrasounds, blood tests and mammograms.
3. What could have gone better on the way to your chemotherapy?
Minusch: Communication during this phase was not always clear. The thing which was so unfortunate about the doctors was that they never spoke plainly. I did not just have to deal with one doctor but with different ones and each of them said different things. That was a bit difficult.
@abylovesblogging: Although the doctors almost always assured Minusch that she did not need chemotherapy, after the surgery, it was recommended by various experts that she undergo chemotherapy.
Minusch: I took all my documents to this doctor and asked him for help. He took his time—two hours, to be exact. He explained everything to me, step by step. He also told me that I had a good chance of recovery because the tumor had not spread to the lymph nodes. Given that I got cancer at such a young age, he advised me to have a genetic test to understand the origin of the cancer. Additionally, he explained the step of mastectomy and recommended that I undergo chemotherapy anyway because I am so young. I could write to this doctor on WhatsApp if I had any questions, and that is still the case. Even though it took some time for me to trust him, I must say he did a good job.
@abylovesblogging: With her thoughts focussed on the forthcoming chemotherapy, Minusch was unfortunately given more bad news…
Minusch:One day before the chemo, I received the news that I do suffer from a rare genetic defect. My first chemo started on December 20, 2021. Normally, the chemo should last about four months, but since I did not tolerate the chemo well (poor blood values, feeling of fullness, fatigue, nausea, fatigue, and vomiting), it ended up being eight months.
4. Who were you able to count on in particular during this time?
Minusch: My family was there for me and helped me as much as they could. My friends too, of course. Some of them called me via Facetime, spoke to me on the phone and tried to build me up. That was really nice to see.
5. Were you also able to draw positive things from your illness?
Minusch: Yes, very many… I had a lot of time to reflect on myself. I would say that I used to be a people pleaser and was always concerned about how others were feeling. But the illness showed me that there is only one Minusch, and there is no second, so I need to take care of myself. That is why I also learned to set boundaries, say no, and stand up for myself. If I notice something is not good for me, I now take immediate action. I was not like that before. I used to beat around the bush, procrastinate, and make excuses for people. I do not do that anymore. I do not have time to get upset because life is short. My friendships have also become closer, and I have cut some people out of my life because some friendships were toxic. Not that you would define these friendships as toxic at first glance. They were the kind of friendships that drain your energy or involve people who constantly complain. I was not aware before that such things or people were dragging me down. Cutting these people out of my life has given me so much balance. I can hardly believe it, but I have never felt so balanced in my life. Those unconscious stress factors are no longer there.
6. How has the illness changed your relationship with God?
Minusch: I have come much closer to God. I remember when I had trouble sleeping at the beginning, I called the crisis hotline, and the staff there prayed with me over the phone, which I found very comforting. They also sent me a small book about the church and Jesus. During that time, I read a lot from the Bible, even passages I did not know before… For example, I was already familiar with Psalm 120, but during that period, I read it very often because it fit my situation. I also frequently spoke with the pastoral counselor…The day I found out that I would need chemotherapy, I was angry. But I wanted to wait and see what would happen…I realized that God is always there and looking out for me. Even if it was a terrible situation, He is there the entire time. He has not left me alone. I thought about other situations in my life. Situations that were incredibly bad, where I was always supported. I was sad and angry, but the solution was always just around the corner.
7. If you had 3 wishes, what would you wish for?
Minusch: I would wish for better weather, good health and to have a beautiful and fulfilling life.
8. What tips do you have for people who are in the same or a similar situation as you were back then?
Minusch: I would also advise against googling or following certain Instagram profiles, as everyone has their own individual diagnosis. Secondly, request a consultation with doctors. And lastly, accept help. Admitting that you are ill. People often associate cancer patients with the verb ‘strong’ and I have the feeling that patients try to fulfil this. But you are ill and have cancer – that is not a cough. You can be ill and do so with a clear conscience. For example, I felt guilty about my work colleagues because I thought to myself: ‘Shit, now I cannot go to work’, but when you are ill, that is the way it is. You are allowed to be sick and recover and take the time you need and get fit. I stressed myself out to get fit again and put myself under pressure.
You are very active on Instagram and take your followers into your everyday life, how did you come to this?
Clara: As a teenager, I actually only consumed Instagram myself and I came across a few accounts where people affected by the disease talked about their illnesses. So I thought I could do the same and founded my account @schmetterlingclara in 2018. At first, I did not dare to speak directly to the camera or really say anything private about myself. It was not until spring 2021 that I jumped over my own shadow and posted a personal story. And then the whole thing started rolling. I was allowed to introduce myself and my story on various other Instagram accounts and as a result, more and more people became aware of me. Then one day, when I posted (in my eyes totally embarrassing) dance reel which went viral, the number of my subscribers skyrocketed. Since then, new followers have been coming in all the time. I post what I think is important so that more people learn about my condition and so that they can better understand those who are affected by my condition, but also those affected by other conditions/disabilities, and see life from a different perspective. But I also like to respond to the wishes of my followers and answer questions, because as an outsider you often do not know all things.
You also do educational work on Instagram about your disease (Epidermolysis Bullosa), how important is that to you?
Clara: This has become very important to me. People often stare at me on the street just because I “look different”. People whisper behind my back and make wild assumptions about what I might have. Many also keep their distance and pull their children away because they think I am contagious. And still others approach me and want to sell me their “healing water” or invite me to their sect because they believe that God and/or Jesus could heal me. But I also have to explain myself and my illness to doctors and carers again and again, because even in the medical field, most people do not know much about my illness. And that is exactly what I want to change. I would like to educate people about EB (Epidermolysis Bullosa), so that we sufferers are no longer constantly stared at and we do not have to explain ourselves over and over again. But I also want to campaign for issues such as disability in general, because there is still so much need for education and action there too. Because we can only achieve something if we are loud together. And I am already very well known within our “EB community” and I am now often recognised on the street.
What positive or negative experiences have you had on social media?
Clara: I have to say that I am very lucky in this area. I get 98% positive and kind comments and messages. But of course there are always the odd stupid comments. Partly out of ignorance, because many people come across a reel or a photo of me while browsing and have no idea what I have because they (like most people) have never heard of EB. But of course there are always stupid comments from people who do not want to or cannot accept my opinion and my point of view. It is not about “being right” or anything like that. One of the most popular topics is the word “disability”. Many other influencers and I hate it when people try to use the word “disabled” to describe us […]. I was born with this disease, I do not know any other way, but for most people it is hard to imagine. I am really grateful to have such a great community that supports me, that rejoices with me when nice things happen and also listens to me and understands when I am not feeling well. Many people are always worried when I do not post for a day. I could not have a better community because they are the ones who motivate me to keep going every day.
What is your support on days when you are not feeling good?
Clara: My family, my friends and the prospect of upcoming wonderful events. My family and friends are always there for me and support me as much as they can. Especially with my friend, who also has EB, I can have a good moan to her at any time and about anything because she understands me, as she often goes through the same things as I do. But my “healthy” friends are also always there for me. What helps me varies and also depends on the situation. Sometimes it helps me to go out, do something and distract myself. On other days, I do not want to see or hear anyone and then I just want to be alone and have some peace and quiet time. And sometimes it also helps me to talk about it. With my parents and/or with my friends. I often visualise my thoughts and feelings about on Instagram. Just as it comes into my head and then I get a lot of love messages that build me up again.
How would you like society to treat people with your or similar illnesses?
Clara: Firstly, I would like people to approach me with genuine interest and ask me directly if they have any questions. […] I wish to be treated as a fully-fledged person, because unfortunately many people still believe that you are also mentally limited if you are in a wheelchair and travelling with a companion. Of course, there are situations in which you have to be considerate of people with disabilities and/or chronic illnesses, but otherwise we want to be treated as normal as everyone else […].
How do you (always) manage to deal positively with your to deal with your illness in a positive way and draw strength from it?
Clara: Even though it may seem like it, but I am not always positive. There are a lot of days when I just think everything is rubbish. But it is true that I have a positive attitude to life from the ground up because I simply love life. I have lovely people around me who give me strength and I always try to do lots of things. So, that I always have something to look forward to. I have already achieved and experienced so much in my life, both positive and negative, and I just want to experience so much more, because life has so much to offer if you let yourself get involved.
In your opinion, what are the disadvantages of social media?
Clara: That the inhibition threshold is so low. You can simply create a profile with a false name and no picture and then post lots of nasty comments. Or that many people do not really think about how their message might be received by the other person, but simply type away quickly. Most of such people would not dare to say such mean things in person. I think, at least they would probably more carefully before saying or writing something.
On Instagram you do every now and then Q&A sessions. What is the strangest question you have been asked?
Clara: To be honest, I do not even know anymore, but many people always ask whether it is even possible for me to go to the toilet normally or whether I can have a relationship with my illness. These questions somehow seem to have a magical attraction. But I now simply ignore these and other private questions.
What advice would you give to people who suffer from this or similar illness? How do you manage stay positive and notb to desperate?
Clara: I know it is hard, but you have to learn to accept it, live with it and accept yourself as ‘you are’. Because you cannot change it. You should just try to make the best of it. Make the most of every good day and do as much as you can, have fun but also just do everyday things like any other “normal” person. School, work, studies, household chores etc. give you a regular, relatively normal daily routine. Because this also gives you a meaningful task. Otherwise, just LIVE life and enjoy it.
Unfortunately, there is still no cure for EB. Do you (still) hope that this will change at some point? And how frustrating is it to live with this fact?
Clara: I do not know any different. I have had the disease since my birth and I have accepted that there will be no cure, at least for me. I do believe that there will be cure at some point, but I think for newborns where the disease is not yet so advanced. However, research is still progressing and there are more and more ways to alleviate the symptoms and comorbidity such as skin cancer. As a result, life expectancy continues to increase and that is something that gives me hope.
You are not just a blogger on social media, you are also creative. How did you start painting or drawing?
Clara: I used to love drawing as a child, but then I did not really get round to it when I was a teenager due to stress at school and other hobbies. During the first lockdown I started drawing again and somehow it became more and more and some of my followers said that I could also sell my stuff. Somehow it turned out that today I mainly create handmade and digitally designed cards for every occasion (Christmas, birthday, Easter etc.) and sometimes sell them too.
What is your personal and most fervent wish?
Clara: I wish to get an assistance dog. Unfortunately, that is not possible at the moment for a number of (private) reasons.
If you had 3 wishes, what would you wish for?
Clara: 1. Healing, of course 2. An assistance dog and the opportunity to travel more easily and frequently.
Dear Clara,
Thank you so much for being so honest and open in our interview. It was a pleasure to get to know you and to speak with you about a very important topic. I hope you enjoyed the interview as much as I did. Thank you for your time and your awareness work on social media. Personally, I wish you all the best and that you stay as positive as you are! Best, Aby
@For all visitors of my blog, you can find Clara on Instagram by clicking the link below!
At the age of 18 on 24th October 2008, Max Rinneberg lost his memories and emotion due to carelessness. Since, 24th October 2008, he is suffering from retrograde amnesia – that is a memory loss which compromises my biographical and emotional memory. But this incident did not stop him..
Q: Please tell me what happened on that day?
MR: On that day, I had that accident. Everyone has already fallen down the stairs. In most cases, this is not a big deal, except some blue spots. I did not fell off stairs, but I fell three tiny steps. On my way, there were these, in my case, untameable stairs. Few seconds before the accident, I probably was stumbling and therefore fell heavily headlong on the stairs . The result was laceration, traumatic brain injury, unconsciousness and later my amnesia. A half an hour after my accident, I was found lying on the ground by my sister and my friends. At that point, I already could not recognize them – everything was unknown for me. Until that today, my brain is not able to recognize any fragments of memory. All my knowledge and memories of the life before are buried and lost.
Q: When did you decide to let go of your old life and start a new one? When did you accept the fact that you are now another/ new human?
MR: This lasted for a couple of time. At the beginning, I was hoping that everything will be okay in the end – and the doctors tried to encourage me. But, also after a helpful residence in a psychosomatic clinic and an outpatient talking therapy, my memories are still lost. After doubts and uneasiness did not fade but life gave me new opportunities, I realized that life must go on. That was the point when I started over and was able to try different things and finally found myself, therefore I am living to the here and now.
Q: What has changed since you living a new life ?
MR: A lot has change since then. I was a disciplined, organised, structured and competitive athlete. Today, I do not have a plan for every day and take things as they come. I also do not have much to do with sport anymore. Nowadays, I golf with some friends of mine when the weather is nice, at least when it must be physically active. But I Iike much more to be surrounded by nice people and eating nice food and drinking a nice bottle of wine. I also do not live in my homeland, but I try to visit my family and friend whenever it is possible. Currently, I am searching for a new place which could become my new homeland. Now, I am on the go to Spain – or to put it another way, to Mallorca. I am looking forward to work there as a sommelier.
Q: Where do you take the positivity from such an incident?
MR: The whole life is full of energy. Even bad days consist of incredible energy. Therefore, negative thoughts and emotions do also have energy. I have learned to transform these energies in something good and into positive energy. I have especially learned that nothing could be worse than it was at the beginning. At the time where I was helpless and surrounded by strangers at the bedside. I was numbed and motionless of irritation and helplessness. Every day, teaches and gives us something along the road. Usually, these things are just small details but in the end of our life, these little details form a remarkable and huge picture of our journey through life.
Q: You wrote a book about the accident. To what extent did wrinting help you to let go of your old life?
MR: Writing did not let me leave my old life behind me. Writing did help me to realize that this part belongs to my life. It was a kind of a lesson, which consisted of some tasks I had to deal with. To go further, writing helped me to realize and to face life again with a renewed courage.
Q: Would you still say that the accident had a good purpose ?
MR: In every negativity, there is also a good purpose, even if that is a call to change something. In my case, I could not change anything because I lost my memory. I had the chance to create something new. A life which I want to live, without any force and the chance to decide what I want to do.
Q: How does your family handle the situation?
MR: It was not easy for my family. I think, the incident made us stronger, even though, we had to admit some moments of weakness. But I think, even that requires strength – to talk about oneself and to talk to oneself. Nowadays, we are happy that we have each other.
Q: If you had the chance to turn back the clock, would you do that?
MR: This is a difficult question. The answer could not just be “yes” or “no”. I have found an answer, although I am still wobbling and searching for the last details – because there still coming new questions which could complete the answer. It will be a long answer, which I will answer in my new book.
Q: Is there a chance that you will gain back your memories from the medical point of view?
MR: In this case, the answer is easy. There is always a chance, but it could be compared to the likeliness of winning the jackpot in lottery.
Q:Last question, what do you wish for your future ? MR: Life.
_ _ _ _ _ _ Dear Max, Thank you for making this interview possible. You are an incredible human being. I wish you, from the bottom of my heart, all the best for your future. I am more than sure, that this interview will inspire many people out there. You are such an inspiration. Thank you so much.
abylovesblogging.com 