ANNEKE DÜRKOPP – MISCARRIAGE AND TEST-TUBE FERTILIZATION SHOULD NOT BE A TABOO SUBJECT

ALM: You recently shared your story about your miscarriage on social media. Why did you decide to make this public?

AD: I have decided to go public with such a topic because I want to encourage other women. I cannot hide my pregnancy for ever, since I am a weather presenter. In the last 4 years, I have exchanged my experiences with other women who experienced the same, something similar or even worse than I have experienced. Strangely enough, not every woman exchanges her experience. This behaviour has several reasons, some are ashamed and the feeling of having failed as a woman, the latter is the main reason. Nowadays, or especially in social networks, people connote the “perfect life”. Therefore, people connote how a „perfect“ woman should be. Not having children is therefore no option, and the pressure on women is immense.

ALM: After your miscarriages, you decided to become pregnant via a test tube fertilisation. Tell me more about that journey…

AD: After the fourth miscarriage, there was no possibility to get pregnant in the normal way. The reason for that had been found out years later. One of my fallopian tube is impermeable, and the other one is hardly permeable. In addition, my Anti-Mullerian hormone is bad. Therefore, I could not afford any more waste of time. That is the reason why I have decided to perform a test-tube fertilization.

How did you cope with your miscarriages? If you could give other women any advice, what would it be?

AD: The important thing is to look for a source of strength. One should regain one’s strength after such a loss and destiny. But sometimes it is also tough because your body struggles with all the hormones. I think that meeting up with like-minded people and exchanging experiences might be very helpful. To know that one is not alone with the pain. It is also helpful to have a good relationship with your partner and this should absolutely kept alive.

ALM: Since you decided to talk about this issue in public, do you think that this issue is still a taboo subject and if yes, why do you think it is?

AD: Recently, a lot has changed. The #MeToo- Movement has set the ball rolling for many women. I think, the issue of miscarriage and everything that has to do with such an issue, belongs to that movement. There must be more help for women, more educational advertising and more openness. I think there will still be women who will choose to remain silent, but if I can motivate some women, I am happy. For example, Michelle Obama talked about her miscarriages and her test-tube fertilization on “Good Morning America”. THAT really helps! She is a fantastic woman and is respected all over the world. It is great that she speaks about such a topic. I have always been a fan of her.

ALM: I can imagine how emotional this journey might have been for you. Did you struggle with issues such as depression when you realized you won’t be able to become pregnant in the normal way?

AD: When I realized I cannot get pregnant in the normal way, I was shocked for a short time. But this was not significant. I tried to look at the situation realistically and therefore looked for other opportunities to get pregnant. I do not tend to have depression. But I can understand people who do, after going through such a loss. This is also not an issue to be ashamed of. One should think if one makes a use of a professional help.

ALM: Since you are a public person, can you tell me how your family and colleagues reacted when you decided to make this issue public?

AD: At the beginning, my family was sceptical, but it was my decision which I made, and I felt confident about it. My friends, overwhelmingly supported and encouraged me. That meant a lot to me and bolstered me.

ALM: You also started blogging about your pregnancy journey. Tell me more about your blog….

AD: On my blog (annekebekommteinbaby.de), I want to share my journey. Namely, in all what I do. There are funny videos but also serious topics such as miscarriage. I have interviewed a therapist and this interview will be uploaded in several parts at the beginning of next year. I think, most of the questions of my followers will be answered with that video.

ALM: Did your journey somehow impact your relationship with your partner? How did he help you to cope with all the issues?

AD: The past years have left traces regarding my relationship. But my man and I are closer to another now. Our commitment is stronger than ever before. Of course, there were tough times in which everyone mourned in his/her own way. I think, that is normal because we two are different individuals and not a symbiosis. I see us as a team. In a team, not everything runs properly, but you pull together.

ALM: What would you wish for the future regarding the issue of miscarriage and test tube fertilisation in the German society?

AD: I would be happy if there would be more educational advertising because that would help many women. Moreover, financial assistance regarding IVF (In-Vitro Fertilization) would also be desirable.

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Dear Anneke,

thank you very much for speaking up about such a difficult issue. It takes a huge courage to do so. It has been a pleasure interviewing you. You have inspired me in many ways and I am sure, you are inspiring a lot more people by going public. For your pragncancy, I wish you nothing but the BEST!