Since I interviewed couple of people who have dealt or still dealing with grief, I have gained different insight and perspectives of death. Few months ago, I came along and read about Samantha White from the United States. She is a solo mama to two beautiful children and a widow. Samantha became a widow in a young age since her husband passed away in 2016. Sam took some time and answered me some questions about her life as a mother and being a widow at the same time. Read the whole interview below:
SW: Hi everyone, my name is Samantha, but I often go by Sam or Sami. I am a blogger and social media influencer. I encourage others to cling to hope and yet also be real and true to themselves as we go through this journey called life.
Q: I have been following you for a while. You are mother of 2 beautiful kids. Tell me a bit about the life as a single mother…..
SW: Solo parenting is the hardest thing I have ever done to be honest with you. I have a son (5) and a daughter (3). They are the greatest, most beautiful gifts from God. Through the different stages of childhood, I am constantly having to reevaluate and reestablish my ways of parenting, but thankfully we have all survived well so far.
Q: What would you like to teach your children in a world where we often see injustice and hate?
SW: As a parent, I do my best to balance telling my children the truth and protecting them from the truth. The truth is that the world is not all sunshine and rainbows. Some of this is because life just happens, but some of it is also because people are rude. So although I often explain life situations to them, even at this young age, I also try to instill in them love, compassion, and kindness. As a white, single mother raising biracial children, I know how some people look at me. Those are the looks I want to protect my children from and teach them to love others no matter how they may look or act. We are all created beautifully unique. I want my children to grow to embrace that, not resent it.
Q: As I already said, you are a single mother. The reason for that is a sad one because your man passed away. Can you tell me what happened?
SW: My husband passed away in May 2016, so yes, I am a young widowed mom. He passed away in a tragic motorcycle accident. He was only 25 years old. We had been married for just three years. I was 22 and pregnant with our daughter. Our son was almost two years old.
Q: What has changed until he passed away? What do you especially miss? Did you take something positive out of that experience – if yes what?
SW: Everything has changed. I know that may sound a bit dramatic, but it’s so true. Everything from my perspective of life, my faith, the way I look, how I parent, what I find important, etc. I look at pictures of myself before he died, and I just do not recognize that girl anymore. Although I miss everything about him, I think I miss having someone to parent and do life with the most. He is no longer here to bounce ideas off of, help around the house or with the kids, hug me when I need comfort, etc. So many things that I miss! As far as something positive coming from this experience, that’s a tough one. Yes, I do believe that being a widow has given me a certain wisdom that I didn’t have before, and that’s a good thing. However, I would not say that my husband’s death was a good thing- I simply say that I trust God in the plan that He has for me as promised in Romans 8:28.
Q: What gives you strength in the process of grief?
SW: Definitely my children. I have no idea where I would be without them. For a long time, they were the only reason I woke up in the mornings. Now almost four years into widowhood, I’ve found more reasons to love life, but my children still keep me going. God is my absolute constant through all the ups and downs.
Q:How would you describe the process of grief?
SW: I could not rightfully describe the whole process of grief in a simple paragraph, but grief is just that: a process. It is not a straight path or even a smooth hill, it’s ups and downs, turns and u-turns. Grief is a journey that never truly ends. It can feel light one day and then hit you in the face the next. It involves denial, mourning, anger, pain, and yet also acceptance, hope, and bittersweet moments.
Q: Is there anything you would like to say to people who are in the same situation as you? What would be an advice?
SW: I will tell you that my heart breaks any time I find out a mom has become a widow. That is why I am so open with my story. I want them to know that they are not alone. I would also tell people in my situation to hold on, tight. There is no other way through grief than to actually allow yourself to go through it. Cry, scream, mourn, feel all the feelings, write, talk about it. Teach yourself to look for silver linings, little blessings, in your every day life. Do not be ashamed or embarrassed of your story. We often find our greatest testimony in the area of our greatest pain.
Q: What do you wish for your future?
SW: This is a tough one. Ultimately, I want to live in God’s will, whatever that may be. And maybe that looks different than my own hopes and dreams. I know my hopes and dreams have changed throughout the years. I want to trust in Him to use me and my story for His glory.
Q: Do you have special wishes regarding your future? What exactly and why?
SW: Well, I do know that I want to be a published author. I would love to one day publish a book about my personal grief journey, but also a book for grief support for others, specifically widows. Until then, I would love for my blog and writing to reach others around the world who may need encouragement in their own grief journeys. Other than that, I truly live day by day, trusting that God will provide all my needs and put me where I need to be.
Q: After all you have been through, do you think that everything has a propose and that it was God’s will? If yes, please explain…
SW: I do honestly believe that everything has a purpose. That can be so tough to wrap my head around sometimes though. I am constantly having to remind myself that my life is not just about me, but about glorifying God. This does not make my grief nonexistent or easy, it simply gives me a hope that after this life, I get to spend eternity in Heaven in perfection with my Savior. Humans die, and we most likely will never know why, but I continue to trust that God has us living this life for a reason.
Dear Sam,
I am so honored and grateful that I got the chance to interview you. I cannot imagine how hard it must be for you to speak about what happened to you. But, without any doubt – you are such an inspiration for many women who are dealing with death and grief. I wish you nothing but the best for you and your kids.
Love,
Aby
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